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March 10, 2017

Friday, March 10, 2017

~The little things? The little moments? They aren't little.
*John Kabat-Zinn

I am on the last day of my stay-cation. This year I have chosen to take my vacations...I need them. Usually I am doing 12.5 hour shifts every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Today is a Friday and I am enjoying being home and sitting at my table, coffee-cup in hand, and looking through the Spark People website.

I have been kind to my body with food for the most part since my weigh-in at the doctor's office a month ago. Eating mindfully. Getting some steps in on my fit-bit. Drinking water. Logging into Spark People daily however it says I haven't (kind of crazy since my water is documented perfectly emoticon ).

So, as John Kabat-Zinn so eloquently stated...the little moments aren't little. Those little moments contain the breath of life itself. In regards to being successful at this self-care thing...these acts build upon themselves and get me stronger and to a place I desire to be and in a body that can take me there.

I had to get my food in check before I could focus on anything else. My son's father lost his eyesight a few weeks ago. He was a non-compliant diabetic with a death-wish years back...I could not stay with him because he had so much anger and was so unwilling to help himself. I have seen him go through many hospitalizations in the 12 years I have known him. The first thing was an osteomyelitis infection in his foot where he could have ended up undergoing an amputation. He had a heart attack and open-heart surgery. He now is in end-stage kidney failure and goes to dialysis 3 time a week. My son ended up missing a lot of school driving to and from the hospital with me over his 9 years on earth thus far from one health crisis to the next.

My denial of my issues could lead me there as well. In the moment that bite of this or slurp of that may seem like not such a big deal. Take those moments and move 30 years down the road and see the cascade of health problems that may result. I wasn't thinking of that at the time I was stressed out and drove through the drive-thru on my way home from work. The times I got up in the middle of the night and binged on whatever crappy food I had in my house.

We all have our own "thorn in our side" as the Apostle Paul stated over 2,000 years ago. Mine has been food. It didn't happen overnight...I remember being a good listener to my body as a child. I stopped when I was full. I recall seeing my older sister binging on food after our dad died and the sight of it scared me...I couldn't imagine doing that...I didn't understand what made her do that. I found myself doing the same thing years later.

Anyway...that's enough for me today. I am waiting on my old 2005 Honda Civic to be finished with repairs...have been without a car since Monday when I drove at 4 am to pick my son up from his father's (300 miles round trip) and my car broke down on the 15-freeway going up hill. The thing has been a lemon since I got it in 2014. Unfortunately that is all I could afford at the time and will pray that this expensive repair will be the only one for 2017.


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