Thursday, May 18, 2017
I...well my family have been going through some rough stuff. We are in the process of looking for two separate support groups for what is effecting us so heavily in life. One for PSP (Progressive Supranuclear Palsy) and one for Multiple Myeloma. We are also looking for walks/runs/rides...something to help my husband feel like he is contributing to both of these rare diseases. His ma has PSP and his father is in the middle of the 100 day aftercare of having a stem cell transplant for the multiple myeloma. The multiple myeloma may reach remission but will mutate and come back at some point and at that point there will be no help for him, we are told. Ma seems to be in the final stages of PSP. So much is unknown about PSP and research shows men usually get it. So along with her diabetes, kidney issues and PSP, she has been a challenge. She is completely unable to take care of herself. She spent some time in the hospital over monther's day weekend in the hospital due to her blood sugar numbers being so low. 3 days in a row. Which poses another problem to my husband and me. Their caregiver, a family member, is not doing a good enough job. So we are trying to figure out what to do. It is a highly toxic situation and it is upsetting me and my husband A LOT! We decided to look into support groups to get more information on what to do. Many of these groups have a lawyer there to get info from and ask questions. We see it as a good step in the right direction.
I have been angry eating again. Not just emotional eat, ANGRY EAT. Yesterday I decided to control the one area of my life I have power over. My husband wants the same for himself. We had chicken and salad last night. Evening seems to be the hardest time.
I weighed myself with great fear thinking it would be even higher than I have been lately. To my suprise, it wasn't as bad. I am not happy about my weight but it wasn't as high as my mind conjured up. I am 217. I guess my persistence at making sure I walk, or do other things every single day whether I log it or not, helped.
Life feels like we are in a war. Three actually. One for ma, one for dad and one with the people who are toxic. We feel so exhausted. So drained.
I know it will be a struggle with food for awhile. Until I get it going fluidly again. Especially with all the anger and worry that is being stuffed away. I will get back to the right place. I am determined.