Fibromyalgia is the Elephant in the Room
Monday, May 22, 2017
I would like to type out a happy cheerful blog. But i don't have it in me today. Today is a day where i Thank God i am alive and i simultaneously ask Him, how much longer do i have to live this way? At what point do I get to say enough is enough? At what point do the people around me understand that i am in genuine distress and that i just want to feel better. I don't have to feel like everyone else. I just want a day where literally everything doesn't make me what to cry. I just want a day where I don't find myself modifying my activities, where i am so tired that my mind is numb, where it hurts to sit, and move and lie down.
I just can't imagine spending the next 30 years feeling like this. Why am I having such a bad day? i know i was really really busy on friday and Saturday. My brother in law got married and we hosted the reception at our house. His reception was our wedding gift to him. It was a wonderful thing to do and i really enjoyed it. But i was bone tired all day yesterday and i am paying for it with severe pain today. I am just tired. I am tired of hurting and i am tired of having to justify being less or doing less or not meeting expectations. At the same time, I don't want to be defined by this stupid thing. Just because i have fibromyalgia, doesn't mean i AM fibromyalgia. I realize this blog is a crazy messed up piece of writing. But it literally is the best of my thoughts, with as much emotion as i feel, with as much conviction as i can write. I just don't know what else is left to say. Certainly nothing has worked. Thank you for reading it, if you made it this far. Thank you.