WALKINGDEADFAN
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Fibromyalgia is the Elephant in the Room

Monday, May 22, 2017

I would like to type out a happy cheerful blog. But i don't have it in me today. Today is a day where i Thank God i am alive and i simultaneously ask Him, how much longer do i have to live this way? At what point do I get to say enough is enough? At what point do the people around me understand that i am in genuine distress and that i just want to feel better. I don't have to feel like everyone else. I just want a day where literally everything doesn't make me what to cry. I just want a day where I don't find myself modifying my activities, where i am so tired that my mind is numb, where it hurts to sit, and move and lie down.
I just can't imagine spending the next 30 years feeling like this. Why am I having such a bad day? i know i was really really busy on friday and Saturday. My brother in law got married and we hosted the reception at our house. His reception was our wedding gift to him. It was a wonderful thing to do and i really enjoyed it. But i was bone tired all day yesterday and i am paying for it with severe pain today. I am just tired. I am tired of hurting and i am tired of having to justify being less or doing less or not meeting expectations. At the same time, I don't want to be defined by this stupid thing. Just because i have fibromyalgia, doesn't mean i AM fibromyalgia. I realize this blog is a crazy messed up piece of writing. But it literally is the best of my thoughts, with as much emotion as i feel, with as much conviction as i can write. I just don't know what else is left to say. Certainly nothing has worked. Thank you for reading it, if you made it this far. Thank you.
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  • WALKINGDEADFAN
    i am with you Susan, i am only 46 and i was active and healthy when we got married. I feel like he was ripped off, but then the next thought is that we said for better or worse and i don't remember there being a no chronic illness clause. I have been really depressed lately. My job is horrible and when i leave here i am just mentally drained. I don't want to talk to my husband and the kids (grown btw) . i want to eat a string cheese, pet the dog and go to bed. I realize that he isn't hurting, he isn't depressed and he wants to go do things. I am trying to interact. I am trying to force myself to talk to people and be around people. But i am running out of the reserves i am using to do all this. I can't take all the traditional meds for fibro, so i am in the same level of pain as i was at diagnosis. I am not quite crippled and i am not quite ready to shut down. I am under so much stress and we (rheumatologist and i) know that it is so painful because of the stress. But i can't make that go away. Thanks for the kinds words ladies, and the prayers. that means so much. This is really the only place i can let it out. i think my husband is just plain tired of hearing about it.
    1156 days ago
  • BOWDIDDLE
    I do empathize with you. I too, at times feel the same way. For myself, I am learning to be kind to me. It's been a long road after Lyme disease which caused fibro. Do something for yourself that makes you happy. Hugs
    1174 days ago
  • SUSANSUSAN14
    I understand how you feel. I have been having a pity party and crying myself this week. It has been very hard dealing with the fibro. It wouldn't be bad if other issues wouldn't haunt me too, like heal pain and sciatica. It is too hard to bare at times. I'm 45 yrs old and I should be in my prime of doing things. I just want to be able to work and play hard beside my husband.
    1174 days ago
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