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Tuesday, June 13, 2017

I've always been a husband would tend to say I "over-share" or he likes the term "diarrhea mouth," (eewww...gross) and I have to admit that it's true. Even in my writing.

But one place I've been thinking a lot about talking is in my head. No, I am not crazy (ok, not really) but I'm talking (see, there I go again) about the things I think and say to/about myself.

See, I'm the smallest/healthiest/strongest I have ever been in my life. I wasn't aiming to get "Back to my high school weight" because that was 185lbs. And I'm 5'2. I've been a size 16 most of my life, I was tormented as a kid and I took it all personally. Puberty didn't change things around for me, it made it worse. I took it all personally, it made me feel horrible, and I'm an emotional eater. So guess what happened? More weight.

I let those actual voices of people telling me horrible things become my norm..."I'm not good enough" and I've struggled my ENTIRE life--in my career, in my role as mother, in my role as wife, during my weight-loss journey--to come to terms with that voice.

I can tell a difference in myself with that voice physically: when I work out, if I get to a part of my WOD (Workout Of the Day for you non-Crossfit folks) that I don't like, or is tough (take endless burpees) and I have the mental attitude/voice of "Oh, this is NOT fun, don't make me do ANOTHER ONE! Ugggh!" It is a struggle. When I replace it with, "I've got this, look at me go, I am strong!" the workout feels completely different.

I've started reading a book from my local library called, "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go on Who you Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are." So far I've read the first chapter, but I like it and am hoping that I can work through some of these mental barriers.

Have you found any good ways to turn up the volume on positive thinking?
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