Today I went to the Intro to Bariatric Surgery at Blanchfield Army Community Hospital at Fort Campbell, KY. I'm not really sure if I will go through with it. It seems drastic! It seems like I should be able to control this on my own....but I'm 53 and have tried so many different diets. I've had success for months and years at a time...but always the scale keeps going up.
When I look in the mirror every morning, I do not see a fat person. I think I look pretty good until I see a picture of myself. I don't have any real health issues. My blood pressure is normal. I do not have diabetes. My knees hurt some and my back at times. I take medication for mild depression and anxiety. For the last couple of years I have suffered with gallbladder attacks and severe GERD caused by esophogitis and hiatal hernia, but since having my gallbladder removed last month and taking a new proton pump inhibitor (protonix), I am feeling pretty good. I am very sedentary. Walking around the block with its hills isn't something that I am longing to do at this point in my life. I get nervous if I have to "keep up" with others and so I try to keep myself out of situations that require it. If I have to walk, I am pretty slow. Taking my grandbabies any real distance or getting them in and out of the car makes me winded and tired. It is very hard to get up and down from the floor. I used to wash my hair under the faucet in the bathtub, and I can no longer do this because I am so stiff and my stomach is too large. I fit in my bathtub, but it is getting snug. I walk slowly up and down stairs because I'm a little afraid my knee will give out or I will fall. Cutting my toenails and tying my shoes is difficult. It seems like I get hurt easily when I try to do any real exercise or hard work. I notice that I am unable to do long periods of housework or yard work anymore. If I just work a regular amount, I will feel sore enough that it wakes me up at night and I need to take medication for pain. I don't want to get to the point that it is too difficult for me to get around. I want to be as healthy as I can be as I get older and face the challenges that it brings. I feel like if I don't do this, I will probably never lose the weight and I will just continue to get more and more sedentary and unhealthy. I want to be able to keep up with my family and enjoy moderately active travel vacations with my husband. I don't feel like I can sustain weight loss without the surgery, but honestly, I'm not sure if I'm "ready." On some level I know that I am stuck here because it "works" for me in some way. There is a part of me that likes being lazy and eating when and what I want. But there is also a part of me that longs to be healthy, to feel good , and to be self controlled...to win this stinking battle that I've been fighting so long.
Dr. Kendrick will probably preform the surgery; but
she has a little baby bump going...so I guess it depends
on how much time I take to get ready.
What I need to do to get ready:
1. Get off of diet coke/caffeine. I have a bad addiction. I probably drink 6-9 diet cokes every day. I love them...and I might love them more than I love getting healthy....but I hate that I have something that controls me like this.
2. Start drinking water. I don't really like water very much, but I'm sure I will like it much more if I am successful at stopping soda.
3. Start figuring out how to get more protein in my diet.
4. Stop eating so many sweets.
5. Follow the pathway to surgery which begins with setting up my fasting labs and making my appointments with the psychologist.
What I'm afraid of:
1. I'm not sure about the Doc's experience. Although she preformed 50 surgeries in her residency, she has only done 6 surgeries on her own. I know everyone has to start somewhere...but it would be more reassuring if she had a huge success rate after many surgeries.
2. I'm afraid that I will miss eating the things I like too much and it will make me miserable.
3. I'm afraid that I will go though with this and then not comply and be worse off than when I started. After all, I have lost and regained weight before.
4. I'm afraid that I will feel sick to my stomach all of the time. I hate that feeling.
My all time high weight was 232 lbs. I am only 5 foot tall so the BMI for that is 45.3 which is considered morbidly obese. Every January 1st I weigh myself in hopes that THIS year I will be able to get my weight under control. On January 1, 2017 I weighed 228.5. (44.6 BMI) With the gallbladder issues I was forced to make some diet changes and as a result have lost some weight. Today (in the evening) I weighed myself at 211 lbs. (41.2 BMI)
Me on "Intro To Bariatric Surgery" Day
5 foot 0 inches tall, 211 lbs. 41.2 BMI