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Sunday, July 16, 2017

I was having some anxiety, anticipating an upcoming medical test which is against my personal beliefs and against my own mind, body and soul.
I had this test once on my own decision and last year I allowed myself to undergo not one but two invasive personally embarrassing and anxiety inducing tests which were not necessary to diagnose a health issue, but to rule out an issue, to more or less satisfy one doctors "check" list.
So, this week I was contacted and told it was time to repeat this test and that before I could get my appointment with this doctor, I would have to undergo this test as it is a requirement.
But I sat there recalling the day, and how anxious I was, how I felt afterward. Like I had been invaded and allowed my convictions to be dissolved and stomped on.
I have just not been able to get that feeling out of my mind and heart.
I cannot allow myself to be forced to go thru that again.
So, tomorrow I am going to cancel the test, cancel the appointment with that doctor and let them know why.
No more being forced into allowing my body and my beliefs to be put in the hands of someone else.
I think once that call is made and all of that is no longer pending, I will begin to feel better.
I am not suggestiing anyone NOT undergo medical tests if they or their doctor deem them medically necessary.
But this test is NOT.
It is just a check list test this doctor makes all her patients undergo. And I found it to be painful to my moral soul.
I cannot do that to myself again.
Decision made.
Day one starts one of taking back my own power and seeing that ultimately I am in control of every decision and every mistake, every good and every bad choice I make for me, I own it.
Have a nice week everyone and lets all do something good for ourself and someone else.
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