Day One - The return
Monday, July 31, 2017
Well, it is about 4 years since I was last on this site, which helped a great deal in my weight loss journey previously. So much has happened, more good than bad, that it's difficult to know where to begin.
I suppose the best place to start would be why am I back here on Sparkpeople. About 6 months ago, I was laid off from work (thru no fault of my own) due to a downturn in business. Now while I was informed at that time that I was eligible to be rehired, the environment has not changed as far as the financial side of things (at the company).
I am getting unemployment, which is but a fraction of what I was earning and I am only receiving that after having to burn through my retirement savings first. Needless to say, stress and depression have both been pretty high of late. I've tried to hide it and not let anyone else see it getting to me, but there is only so much you can control that way, only so much you can do before the anger and frustration creep out and you snap at a loved one, etc. And as we all know, once you stumble down that particular path, it is easy for the weight to return which it did in my case.
Also during that four year gap, I developed a particularly nasty strain of bronchitiss which required a number of trips to the doctor and lab work. At that point, was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure.
I am still looking for employment, and can shift things to the back burner to do my interviews, but outside of the work search, there are days where it is extremely difficult to 'keep on truckin'.
Last night, my wife and I were watching an episode of 'Vikings', and at one point I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Beach ball body with toothpick legs. Yes, I became moody and I am sure my temper was short heading to bed last night.
So, I find myself back here once more having taken an important first step...owning the fact that I am where I am at by my own hand.
No one forced me to become less active - I became weak and listened to the aches and pains of my body rathan than trying to work through. Now those aches and pains are worse, and it is that much harder I will need to work in order to restore my health and body where I would like to get it.
No one forced me to eat the way I did, which put me where I am today.
No one outside of myself altered my thought processes, or caused me to become depressed. No one outside of me changed the CAN to CAN'T.
I need to own that I am where I am because on some level, I chose to be where I am today
Today, I choose to not be the same person. I am tired of the aches and pains, the shortness of breath, the lack of desire for anything whatsoever. I am taking this week to kind of figure out where I am (weight, etc) and set goals to begin working back to what should be a more normal weight for me. Given my weight and the amount of lose skin, I need to figure out what exercises I can do that will tighten up the skin and burn the fat around my stomach.
Yes, it is going to be a long journey and I am sure I will stumble often along the way. Time is running out, however, so I need to start this journey now or it will never begin, and I will never see the former version of myself.