500-999 SparkPoints 526

Mental preparation

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

A few good days,a few bad days and alotttttt of soul searching. I do this to myself far more often than I should. I call my mother's house the den of temptation. Going there is always a struggle. There is junk food everywhere(not in small quantities) no healthy food in sight and she always always wants to go out to eat. So I allow myself to eat, which quickly turns into a backside, which quickly shows up on the scale. I've gained and lost the same 6 pounds no less than 6 times in the past two months. I was watching t.v. the other night and I heard something that struck a chord with me. People self sabotage because deep down they believe they will fail, so they would rather fall from the third floor than the penthouse. As I have mentioned in previous blogs, I am now in uncharted territory. I lost some weight (as of today it's 61 pounds) but I'm nowhere near my goal. I have done this many times in the past. Inevitably though I give up and go back to all the terrible habits and put the weight back on. This is the first time in my life that I have not just relaxed into the backslide. I have good days here and there and I am trying to find ways around it. I WANT to be on track but I find myself eating (even when I don't really want to) making excuse after excuse as to why. Could this be the missing puzzle piece? Have I been self sabotaging all these years? I believe I have. So the last few days have been a lot of mental preparation. Trying to wrap my head around the fact that this is what has been going on and getting my head right. Looking back at the things I have written it's as though I am a totally different person when things are good, than I am when things are bad. I believe I have made another breakthrough this week. Even though I didn't eat well my mind didn't go to a bad place and I didn't feel like I was giving up. It was more like just biding my time until I felt strong again. With the realization that what I was doing was absolute self sabotage,overeating didn't hold the same shine. Yesterday was another first for me. I ate terrible yet I came home and did a nice workout. Not because I felt I had to punish myself for the bad, but because it's what I truly wanted for my body. I believe my mind is beginning to change for the better, I do believe I can get healthy AND be truly happy. Thanks for reading my excessively long rambling 😁
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    THAT sounds like the mental shift you needed, awesome!!!
    881 days ago
    Good on ya - you got this
    881 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by AMANDAMAY2280