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Some things I'm (re)learning about myself.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Anyone who has read any of my blogs over the past several years knows that I lost a significant amount of weight about five years ago. Since then, I've fallen in love, gotten married and become totally complacent. As I refocus on this journey toward good health (with the ultimate goal of feeling healthy enough to have a baby), I am relearning a lot about myself.

1. Despite evidence to the contrary, I have incredible willpower. I think willpower is like a muscle...the less frequently you use it, the weaker it gets. So while it's been challenging to exercise that muscle lately, the results have been astounding!

2. A "cheat" meal does not make me feel guilty...*however*, a "cheat" DAY makes me feel like absolute crap both physically and mentally. I look back on how I handled cheat meals when I lost almost 100 lbs and I indulged every single Friday in hot french onion fondue and gourmet pizza. Oh, and wine. I never felt guilty because not only did I adhere strictly to my calories during the rest of the week, I also ate healthily all day prior to my Friday night splurge. Bottom line: It's ok to splurge on one meal per week, but no more (obviously vacations and extenuating circumstances not included).

3. It's *never* ok to participate in self-flagellation. I don't deserve to be treated harshly by anyone, *especially* myself. Honestly, since remembering this little piece of advice, I have been a lot happier.

4. When I lost weight the first time, it was because I had been cheated on and dumped by my fiance three months before the wedding. I was "Revenge Body" before there was a "Revenge Body". All I wanted was to find a loving, devoted, handsome, charming, sweet, funny, self-sufficient man who loved me with all his heart. Not too much to ask, right ;) Well, I actually found this elusive fairytale creature! I have the most amazing husband who worships the ground I walk on. Losing this weight again will be hard, but I have all of the other things I could dream of: a new master's degree, a loving husband, fantastic friends. What's a little weight compared to that?

5. I admit that I see myself utilizing "all or nothing thinking". Like, "oh, I ate a little too much quinoa at lunch, so I may as well eat a little too much at dinner too. Then I'll have a snack, because what does it matter?" Unlike splurge meals, I'll eat healthily, but I'll eat more of the healthy food than I had allotted for each meal. Not cool.

6. This ties into #5. I am an extreme type-A personality. I am controlling and regimented and extremely organized. In order to feel like I'm doing what I need to do, I have to count every single calorie. This is part of what led me to success the first time, and I know it will be a huge indicator of whether I succeed or fail this time. There's a reason that so many eating plans encourage us to track every bite, lick or taste. It's amazing how quickly those little calorie bombs add up to entire meals. I will be going back to this OCD way of life.

7. Blogging helps and I need to do it more often.

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading! Time to plan tomorrow's meals and nurse this horrible case of extensor tendonitis. Sweet dreams, Sparkies!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great insights, I'm in much the same boat as you. We can do this and we can redo it if necessary.
    1106 days ago
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