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what remains is the shadow

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Today while I was walking, I got to thinking about the saying that time heals wounds. I am not sure if I believe this, in time, I believe, our memory of an event begins to fade, or we choose to just let it go. I think time makes things easier to let go and adapt.
But we never really forget things. I have learned this working with the elderly, with dementia, and with my own mom recently. They are still in there, the persons memories, and who they are. Sometimes a trauma or a disease makes those memories go deeper into our minds. or hearts.

And this is why we slowly heal from the loss of a loved one. or a relationship. In time, we love again and the pain we felt begins to fade.

I was thinking also about people who get extremely drunk, then say, I cant remember what happened.
I dont believe that. Maybe in the hours after being intoxicated, those memories arent readily available, but in time, they return.
This is a problem I am having with a certain friend, who got extremely drunk and did some things that really was sad to witness.
But they say they cant remember.
I think its just easier sometimes to use that as an excuse for your own darkness, your dark soul, your dark actions.
No one wants to admit they did something horrible.
So, forgetfulness, or loss of that memory is a better excuse.
Back to time healing wounds.
I really see how it works. In 2012, I had a good friend, who suddenly started to ignore me, no explantion, no reason, no contact. I was left wondering what had caused this.
In time, however, I have let it go.
Time made that easier. I no longer miss that person.
The same thing happened to me recently. I found myself on the end of a personal attack, from a friend of a friend. But still someone I spent time with.
It was sudden, while the other stood idley by and didnt intervene, didnt say wait, whats going on, so I assume she had known this person was going to verbally attack me.
So, now I am friends with neither. I dont know what terrible thing I did....OTHER than tell them that they were wrong to contribute to a drunken persons continuing to drink, when she had fallen and gotten hurt.
I pointed out that as her friends, they should maybe stop offering her more booze, as she was too drunk to walk over to get it for herself.
But instead, I was attacked, called a bad friend, etc.
I will get over this much quicker than the loss of the previous said friend.
I dont miss these people in my life. I did ask my friend if that is why she unfriended me on FB.
But she didnt respond.
That was all the answer I needed. I believe, that their behavior was traumatic to their own self. She is not the same person I once knew.
That is their way of dealing with their own darkness.
Maybe I am an unlikeable person. i dont like to spend time around drunken people who think its fun to see how drunk is drunk enough.
I just hope the disappointing ending to what was once a good friendship fades fast from my memory.
But I am over here in the light and its light up and its bright and I would rather be here alone, than in the darkness surrounded by dark hearted people.
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