100,000-149,999 SparkPoints 119,141

clawing but nails are broken and bleeding

Sunday, November 26, 2017

so this is my first blog in a nearly a month. no one was really reading them anyway.
things have kinda stalled for me.
i was doing pretty well in october and had lost some weight, a little weight.
i havent been on a scale since october
and i would guess i have gained all that back plus a few.
i wouldnt be surprised if i have gained 10 lbs.
i just rode the wave of joy that i had lost weight right back over the top and fell really hard.
i still walk but not nearly as much as before. i guess the last 2 weeks i have pretty much gone off the grid and just done whatever.
no counting, no sparking, nothing.
but i am aware.
and i am still trying.
it is really depressing life to live, to constantly be counting and watching every bite and feeling like a failure every pound that comes back.
sometimes you just have to step back for a bit.
dont think that just because i have not been accountable that i wasnt aware.
beat down. defeated.
but not giving up.
i dont know what is worse, giving up and just eating whatever and living with your own insecurities and feelings of failure.
or, working hard and getting no where and living with your insecurities and feelings of failure.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It is very easy to fall off the wagon. Done it many times. Get back on it. Staying on Spark people helps me even if people aren't talking to me directly. I read their stories and helps me realize I am not alone on how I feel or how I am doing. Don't give up!!
    emoticon emoticon
    1047 days ago
  • GORDON66
    You haven't given up, and that's all that counts. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


    1059 days ago
  • MARYBETH4884
    After you've been counting calories and figuring calorie deficits for exercise for long enough, you make a mental note of everything, it's always there floating in your brain. It doesn't mean we don't go off on a binge, we just know how badly we mess up to the calorie. I'm in a similar situation and I know how you feel about failure and is it all worth it. My theory is the exercise and healthy eating is just better for me, period. If I never lose any amount of weight again. It's not easy, but nothing in life is ever really easy. You are not in this alone!
    I do read your blogs on a regular basis, I'm just not a big commenter. emoticon
    1059 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by SOFT_VAL67