clawing but nails are broken and bleeding
Sunday, November 26, 2017
so this is my first blog in a nearly a month. no one was really reading them anyway.
things have kinda stalled for me.
i was doing pretty well in october and had lost some weight, a little weight.
i havent been on a scale since october
and i would guess i have gained all that back plus a few.
i wouldnt be surprised if i have gained 10 lbs.
i just rode the wave of joy that i had lost weight right back over the top and fell really hard.
i still walk but not nearly as much as before. i guess the last 2 weeks i have pretty much gone off the grid and just done whatever.
no counting, no sparking, nothing.
but i am aware.
and i am still trying.
it is really depressing life to live, to constantly be counting and watching every bite and feeling like a failure every pound that comes back.
sometimes you just have to step back for a bit.
dont think that just because i have not been accountable that i wasnt aware.
beat down. defeated.
but not giving up.
i dont know what is worse, giving up and just eating whatever and living with your own insecurities and feelings of failure.
or, working hard and getting no where and living with your insecurities and feelings of failure.