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Month One down !

Saturday, December 09, 2017

Well its crazy to believe but it has been an entire month since I walked down the hospital corridor, jumped up onto a hospital bed panic rising. I was nervous there was no doubt, all the equipment, the big lights, all the people hustling around the room. The sound of metal hitting metal as they prepared the tools. Dear Lord what have I gotten myself into I remember thinking over and over. My first ever surgery is of course a major one, go big or go home right ? Its also one that was optional, what the frig was I thinking I thought. Eventually my inner anxiety was broken by the man who was about to send me off to la la land. After he explained a few basics he asked if I was ready because he was literally about to beam me up. Being put to sleep was my biggest fear, the risks, the uncertainty but it all melted away. Rather it beamed away because he was not kidding about beaming me up within seconds it felt like I was in a star trek ship beaming off at super fast speeds. He then added the mask, at this point I remember thinking what was I scared of this is super frickin cool ! The last thing I remember is him asking how I was doing. “Good but the room is spinn ....” All of a sudden a nurse was telling me I am waking up from surgery, que the vomiting. The pain not so bad the quesy tummy was hellish. I suppose since the Dr. just took 80% of it I guess it had a little right to rebel. The rest of the day was a blur I slept on and off, had lots of gravol and morphine and really don’t remember much. But it was finally done, a two year wait was finally over onto my new life ! Fastforward a month I am still getting use to my new tummy. I would be lying if I didn’t say I have overate a time or two, fyi when u have the sleeve if you overeat your gonna throw up. The past week and a half I have been getting back to walking. I get to eat real food again, that was exciting and I am 27 lbs. lighter then I was at my pre-op appointment six days before surgery. Now 27 lbs. lost in a month you think I would be thrilled right ? Nope first thought was disappointment ... I only lost 27 lbs seriously. Can we cue a butt whoopin here please because 27 lbs. lost is freakin awesome !!! The fact that I was disappointed for any amount of time shows that my mind needs a lot of work still ! Nevermind that I am smaller now then I have been in the past few years, not by much but heck smaller is smaller right ? I will continue exercising, stick with my meal plans but my main goal for this month is to shut up my negative nancy of a mind ! Why is it at times our good enough can’t be good enough even when your good enough is actually pretty amazing ? I know I am not the only person who expects waaaaay to much of myself, its time to accept what is. If I put a great effort in I will be proud regardless of the outcome. Girlfriend is gonna chill ! If you are currently being critical of yourself ask yourself if you have done your best. If your answer is yes then you may wanna chill just a little to, we are only human and regardless of our efforts sometimes our bodies just don’t cooperate. Sincerely, A hopefully former negative Nancy
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