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just sayin’ … tears and more tears

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Well, Sparklers … I had to get caught up on allll my reading once again. Much like staying on track … if you don’t tend to it daily, things get out of hand.

We successfully surprised my mom for her 80th birthday … in fact we made her cry. This never, ever happens. But I successfully made her cry again when we had a … disagreement over repeatedly trying to force feed me.

Now don’t get me wrong. I have gained about a million pounds since leaving home December 15th. What with vacation mentality, Christmas and parties, bronchitis and pneumonia, being hospitalized, the passing of BFF’s hubby, falling and busting up my knee and shoulder and being laid up for two days, eating out which we never do, eating what everyone else is eating, and eating foods that are only available this time of year and only in Texas!!!

I feel like a slug. I am bloated, inflammation has moved in to stay, I ache all over, my clothes are cutting me in half … AND I made my mom cry, again.

She has no idea how to relate to me. NONE.
Food is love here in the south.
She loves me … but only knows how to show that through FOOD.

Each meal has either been stressful or a confrontation. Today … it was all out war. So, hubby and I packed up and went back to the hotel. Tomorrow is our last day here … we start the journey home. There will be more tears.

As I sort out my relationship with my surviving parent … I am also sorting out my relationship with food. I have more recycled pounds to lose … lots more. And then the remaining pounds to reach my goal.

I’m sure there’s gonna be some more tears.

*Read my reasons for chunking alllll these pounds. Why did you start allll this??
*Planned and ate s-l-o-w-l-y and mindfully … huh, who ME???
*Stop when you are physically full … what is full. My full meter is broken.
*Exercise … Arrrrgh, I gotta get moving again.
*Not my food. Oh, well kiddo!

My arms won’t look smaller … just coz I cover them up. ~Kenlie@alltheweigh

Here’s to … LIFE … uncovered.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1149 days ago
    Thank you for sharing - it's hard when that is her way of showing you how she cares, but doesn't understand that won't work for you anymore.

    It's still nice that you were able to surprise her for her 80th birthday - which just made me realize that my mother will turn 80 this year - I'll have to get on that!!

    1152 days ago
    emoticon Thank you for letting us know how you are doing.
    1155 days ago
    Wish I still had my Mom.
    1156 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949
    emoticon emoticon
    1156 days ago
    Breathe in. Breathe out. You can do this.
    1156 days ago
    I can relate to how Southern mothers show love. If you don't see her on a regular basis, maybe you can just grin and bare it when you do see her. I doubt she does it for spite. emoticon
    1156 days ago
    Our friends have said most of what I'd say.

    emoticon emoticon

    What I'd do is start again.
    Right there with you!
    1156 days ago
    So sorry for the tears.
    1156 days ago

    The first hug is for finally returning to Spark. I missed you.


    The second hug is for comfort.

    I'm sorry about the confrontation over food. Give it some time. A little distance. Then you can talk to your mother. My mother didn't tell us, her children, that she loved us by using words until we were adults. Then, somehow, we all decided enough. We wanted to hear it. Before then she only showed love with food and doing for us. It took a time, but she learned to actually say "I love you" and to hear it back from us.They say old dogs won't learn new tricks, and you may not completely tame the food is love piece, but maybe you can make saying the words "I love you" stronger.


    The third hug is just because.
    1156 days ago
    Oh, I'm sorry you had such a difficult time with your mother because of food.
    It is not easy to accept such acts of love graciously without actually eating them,
    and not easy to change ways of a 80-year old who always expressed her love through food.
    Stay strong! Despite the tears, I'm sure your mom is happy to be with you.

    There is hope.
    My mom and dad were 68 when I explained to them repeatedly that I want to be with them with no food involved, and started to visit them outside mealtime, just for company and to chat.
    It took time, but they no longer offer me food at all, they know I don't eat outside meals, and I eat my meals at home.
    I think I wouldn't have been able to convince my grandparents, though...
    1156 days ago
    Thanks for sharing!! emoticon
    1157 days ago
  • AMBER461
    I hope you reach your goal of losing those pounds. Thanks for sharing.
    1157 days ago
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