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just sayin’ … fighting with hubby … or myself???

Sunday, April 22, 2018

Hubby is a retired Marshal … hunted down bad guys and wrestled them to the ground and made grown men cry. He helped those who wanted to help themselves and helped children find better lives away from their “parents”.

My adorable beloved hubby of almost 42 years … is on my last nerve. He is loving, smart, funny, giving, smells good, can leap tall buildings … and is a procrastinator of the supreme power.

We retired almost 5 years ago … both from type A positions.

What would you like to do with retirement honey, he innocently asked?
Travel, travel, travel love muffin, I sweetly replied.

We purchased a 1975 Airstream Argosy travel trailer … that needs a list of “repairs” every time we take her out. Sometimes due to “ooops” on our part and sometimes “just coz” … ya know, much like our “older” bodies. I also have an untouched list of things I wanted to make it “ours” but that’s another argument.

As a retired project manager … I make list. I plan. I set a budget. I set time lines. I expect … follow through.

Hubby on the other hand … expects EVERYTHING to go … hmmm, his way even though he doesn’t carry a weapon on him any more.

Hubby has many, many talents … makes me breakfast in bed, remembers birthdays, anniversaries, Mother’s Day. He’s been known to paint my toe nails … but don’t tell anyone.

But hubby is not … a handy pull out the tools and let’s fix things ourselves kinda guy. His approach is … let’s think about it some for a while … and heaven forbid we talk about it while he’s deep in thought. Which means … do NOTHING until the very, very last minute when it’s an emergency and make one mistake after another coz we are in a hurry and I am … fuming in frustration … OK, screaming in frustration.

I’m sooo glad I’m not like him. I mean … so, I was 100+ pounds over weight, unhealthy, wrecked knees, not exercising or even moving my body, knowledge of what to do but not doing it, a craft room full of “projects”.

So, what’s really going on??? When things are hard … it’s hard to get it done. When you are scared of … failure … it’s hard to get started. I’m scared. Last year, hubby’s procrastination added to the list of triggers for a manic overload.

Scared that my re-found motivation to stay on track … will … wilt.

Hubby … has always, always and forever … been a procrastinator. Can I truly expect him to change???

I have been food dependent for always … can I truly change???

While he is fixin’ me a loving cup of hot tea … I am falling back in love with a known put-it-off until tomorrow or ??? kinda guy.

Oh … and it’s been a month since I binged and I have recycled off some pounds.

Just sayin’.

My arms won’t look smaller … just coz I cover them up. ~Kenlie@alltheweigh

Here’s to … LIFE … uncovered.
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  • KATIE5668
    Great insight kiddo! Of course you can change you. Sounds like that guy is a keeper. Remember ..any woman that thinks she can change a better be a baby! Loved how you described his tender loving actions.
    1082 days ago
    emoticon "While he is fixin’ me a loving cup of hot tea … I am falling back in love with a known put-it-off until tomorrow or ??? kinda guy."

    Nothing to add to what's already been shared other than emoticon

    1084 days ago
    I agree, you can't change others. We can change ourselves.

    We can choose to have expectations of others, but it is up to them to choose to meet our expectations.

    Eating food does not make them change, it makes our body change.

    1087 days ago
    Loved your analysis of the situation!
    I agree, the chances of change in your DH's attitude are very small.
    As you are in a loving and supportive relationship, I believe he has already made the changes he is able to without undue stress to make you happy.
    I can relate, me and my husband are in a similar situation.
    It makes me furious sometimes, but it is easier to let go of my anger since I realized the truth: he did make some changes, the rest of his behavior will never change, so I had better accept him and enjoy his kindness, patience, good sense of humor, and all the support he gives to me and our children.

    1087 days ago
  • DSJB9999
    I am lucky my hubby is great at DIY, he does things when he is ready tho. He has a few other 'bad habits' but I try to overlook them and choose my battles! emoticon

    I know it can be hard but well done for not binging and keeping removing those recycled pounds! Well don for keeping on keeping on! emoticon emoticon
    1087 days ago
    You certainly have valid questions! I do have a little bit of an inkling as to what you are talking about though. I love my husband and to even think of starting over with someone else makes me cringe! lol Seriously, though, there are things my hubby does that irritate me to no end...however, I'm sure there are things about me that irritate him to no end. We are both Type A personalities too. I've learned that if he doesn't do something I've asked him to do at least 3 times then either I do it myself or I'll hire someone to do it. I don't like to nag and nobody likes to be nagged. It works out much better this way. He'll end up saying...."I was going to do that". Then I'll say...."Oh yeah, in what year would that be?" lol He'll just smile because he knows I'm right. emoticon
    1087 days ago
    I on the other hand I am married to a Mr Fix-It. He can honestly fix anything and always has. Been married 61 years ago and my kids will still say "When other kids got new toys we never did. Daddy just fixed ours". One of my DD's did brag to her friends when she was just a young child "My Daddy can fix anything" She was very proud of him and still is. May I suggest since your DH has so many other good qualities you hire a handyman to do some of the small tasks that need doing. I have a feeling you would both have a better day as a result.
    1087 days ago
    Well said. You can only change yourself.
    1087 days ago
    Thanks for sharing. I have absolutely no wisdom in dealing with husbands, especially mine. Glad other SparkFriends have offered some good thoughts.
    1087 days ago
    What great comments you've already got on this very powerful blog!!

    As a person who's been married almost 39 years to an absolutely terrific guy without a handyman bone in his body (and who also does a WHOLE lotta divorce work) I totally agree that I can only change me. And if I were a "project manager" type I think I'd be putting on my list some persons who can do the repairs your DH isn't doing -- after say that 1 month notice. No further nagging. Just get 'er done!!

    1088 days ago
    You can't change your husband, but you can change. It ain't easy, but you'll have more success with yourself than him.
    1088 days ago
    You married my husband when I wasn’t looking.
    Except for the cooking thing.
    1088 days ago
    The couples that go the distance (a club to which I hope to become a proud & happy member!) I believe learn to accept each other for all their faults, strengths and beautiful qualities. One of our favorite songs is "All of Me"...and I started off loving this song as an ode to MYSELF before sharing it with my beautiful wife, re: loving all of MY perfect imperfections, my curves and my edges...and now celebrate the same in her as well.

    Kudos to you both!

    1088 days ago
    Oh boy. Valid questions. For sure! Just have to keep on track for yourself.

    My DH is super smart and we're both Type A's too (whoever said opposites attract!) Now I have a system. I will give a repair one month to be done (unless of course, it's an emergency.) If it's not done, I just hire it done. I'm happy, it's completed and I'm not nagging DH.
    1088 days ago
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