Another Weekend Down

I have had a good weekend, getting in all my fruits and vegetables or freggies and lots of water. I did have 8 oz. of pumpkin ale and a 2" x 2" piece of lemon bar. Both fit into to my nutrition budget and were dutifully recorded in my food log. I haven't quite gone keto yet, but I'm close.

I took a day of rest today. Yesterday was supposed to be a day of rest, but I ended up going to the garden center. I had done almost an hour of heavy digging and weeding in my garden getting my new plants into beds and containers before I knew what happened. Yes I am a bit OCD. I really need to keep better track of my water and sunscreen. The results make me so happy and motivate me to get up and out to maintain my yard so I'm calling it a win.

I've been working on my attitude and I'm making slow progress. Admittedly it's a lot easier without the weight of the world on my shoulders. I've been physically, spiritually, and emotionally exhausted for months and recovery is slow. I burst into tears an hour ago over having such a hard time with stairs and sitting in bar stools (my legs hurt and then go numb ) again after gaining back the weight I had lost. Our kitchen table is bar height so family meals or activities are really hard for me. I feel like I let everyone down, especially my husband and myself. I'm not going to let that be an excuse to give up. I deserve to be happy and healthy for Me as well as my family.

The other thing weighing on my mind is anonymity. Some of my Sparkfriends seem to be completely open with their identities and others like their privacy. Part of me would very much like to link my Sparkpeople and Facebook profiles to share my journey with my friends. I believe I'm past the shame, as I've seen proof positive that many of my friends are facing the same struggles. I just wish I could be more open with them. I would love the IRL support.

However there are certain members of my family that are the main reason I so often stay away from Facebook. I've poured out my heart here in these blogs and I know at least one of them would read everything I've ever contributed, commenting on everything. Their invasive, gossipy behavior is what causes me so much of my stress in the first place, so I'd only be making it worse for myself. My friends know my gamer tag and could make an educated guess who I am here if they knew to look. Perhaps edited versions of blogs, certain goals achieved, and milestones reached is the way to go. I'll figure it out.