ABINATHRA
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Starting Again

Friday, July 06, 2018

I hit a plateau. I got discouraged. I stopped. I gained 31 pounds. Now I am starting again.

Plateaus are going to happen. I had really rapid weight loss and managed to lose 180 pounds in about 16 months. When I stopped losing I tried everything. I ate more. I ate less. I added exercises, stopped exercises, changed exercises. Finally, I stopped exercising.

From February to July I have gained 31 pounds. I stopped being accountable. I had days where I bought and ate candy as I did in my old days. I let my fat thinking take over. "It doesn't matter if I have [insert vice in front of me at the moment]. If I made cookies for an event, I ate a third of them. And while I didn't go back to my pasta and potatoes comfort zone I did tracking what I ate.

My depression has been talking loud these last few months. It's a familiar voice that always seems to be whispering to me. Lately it's been roaring. Isn't it odd that you can be happier than you have ever been in your life and still be depressed? Doctor's today don't want to deal with this. They want you to see a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists aren't covered. You soldier on struggling through the mire that wants to hold you in stasis so it can talk even louder. Bring more darkness. There is shame, because I should be better than this. Things in my life are better than they have been in almost a decade and yet, I am struggling.

Food is comfort. It does something for me. It's more than the sensation of hunger. I eat because it tastes good. Because when there is food I can forget everything but it. It's not good for me. Food is medicine. Food is medicine. Food is medicine.

My finances got complicated and I was unable to stay at the gym. I love the pool. I can move, something I can't do in real life because of the pain. Without exercise the pain gets worse. I move less, which hurts more, so move less, which hurts... well it never ends.

But today I start again. I am tracking. I am back where I can be held accountable. I will reinstitute the new habits that are hard and walk away from the old ones that are easy. I won't do it all at once. I will take one small step and then another and another.

There is a way out of this and I will find it.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ANNIESADVENTURE
    This is a good reminder to stay alert. When we are in a strong place, we feel invinceable. Motivation can come and go. It's hard when those plateaus strike. Sometimes our body decides to rest. Sometimes we are much closer to a breakthrough than we realize. I remember an old song, It's Always Darkest Before the Dawn. We are winners because we don't give up. Even after losing our way for awhile, we get back up and start again. Persistence always wins.
    783 days ago
  • KITTYHAWK1949
    You are wise as you came back before you gained back a lot of your loss. Wow, 180 pounds-congratulations. I have gained all or most of my weight back several times. But we are here again now and we know what to do. Best of luck. maybe keep talking to your doctor if you are still needing help with depression. you deserve his help.

    emoticon
    870 days ago
  • SIXLESTER69
    Welcome back!
    870 days ago
  • no profile photo CD22518161


    "fat thinking". Oh yes, those words speak volumes to me!!

    Today is your day, and now is the perfect time for you to do every little thing that adds up to big successes.
    You already know how. Giving up food as "drug of choice" is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I think I will always struggle. Being food-sober makes me happier.
    871 days ago
  • DRINKALOTH2O
    It's NEVER too late to start again!!! Half the battle is realizing you need to get back at it! You can (AND WILL) do it! You did it before!! Spark on!!
    871 days ago
  • OLDSKOOL556
    You Can Do It! 👌
    871 days ago
  • CINDY247
    You've got a great plan! Now just do it - one day at a time even one meal at a time! Do what you have to do but eventually you'll get there! Keep on sparking !! if you have to take it slow and eventually you'll get there
    871 days ago
  • JOHNMARTINMILES
    Awright
    871 days ago
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