Monday, July 23, 2018
It's been over a year since I last blogged or even logged unto sparkpeople and a lot has happened...
I have gained 10lbs and I am now currently going through a trial separation that will most likely end in divorce. We had been together for 9 yrs, but if we are being honest then it was 9yrs too many. Like most stories it started out the same. Girl meets boy and girl falls in love with boy despite all the warning signs. I never really expected to be with him long, there were warning signs and I always ignored them for the sake of my children. But sometimes turning the blind eye can only last so long.
After I turned 30 things started to change for me. I realized ( for the first time) allowed myself to admit that I was not happy. I also allowed myself to admit that I was a victim of emotional and verbal abuse. I think that often we allow ourselves to be treated like crap because we don't think that we deserve better. I guess the real turning point for me was I couldn't come up with any reasons to stay. Every year I had to convince myself to stay. But this year I couldn't find one. And to put the cherry on top when I asked him to please work with me and save my marriage he just told me to leave if I wasn't happy because he was not going to change. So when I decided that me and my children had, had enough he simply said " The marriage was over for me years ago anyway. I see you as a friend and not a wife. I was just buying time until the children were grown up." Can you believe that? After 9 yrs and that is all he had to say?!
The truth is being married to someone that doesn't want to be married is a lot lonelier then being alone.
So here I am, starting over in so many areas in my life. I have always been a caregiver and I have never put myself first. But no more. My ex and I have agreed to give this separation a year before we file for divorce. And I am going to be working on myself and going towards only positive things. This journey is not just abour losing weight, it is a journey to self discovery, self love and healing. So here is to day 1 and to everyday that I get the courage to get out of bed and move forward!