150,000-199,999 SparkPoints 157,414

What Is Your Issue?

Friday, July 27, 2018

I've considered weight and diet to be an issue all my life.  I was on my first diet that I remember when I was in kindergarten. But all that dieting just made me fatter and fatter. Step by step I made it all the way up to 410 lbs.  Then I stayed there for MANY years.  That seemed to be where my body  wanted to stay.  No matter if I  ate, starved, binged, dieted, exercised or was a couch potato, that is where my weight stayed for about 20 years.  Not 409, not 411, steady at 410.  I consider that to be a major plateau!   A friend who is also a Pastor/Counselor  asked me once how and when food, weight and diet all became an issue in my life.  The only answer I could give him was that it just always was. He said that wasn't an answer. He then encouraged me to pray & think about it. If we can figure out how and why something  starts then we can deal with the cause instead of just the symptoms.   So I went home  & pondered, prayed, cried, went to bed, pulled the cover over my head and slept.  Long  story short, I  found some answers in a dream and some detective research work. (I may share the dream and that story sometime if anyone is intrerested.)  It came down to the fact that when I was very little, my little self determined that life was too difficult and I didn't want to live.  Excess weight was a blessing and a curse because it protected and hurt me at the same time.  I realized that I was a "failure to thrive" baby who had chosen not to live  that became a "failure to thrive" adult who continued that choice.  I had never actually tried to kill myself outright, but I was killing myself in a variety of ways daily.    Was it true? Why and how? What does it mean and how do I deal with it as an adult? I first needed to commit to choosing LIFE. Not just once, but many times daily.  Whenever choices presented themselves, my answer needed to become, "I CHOOSE LIFE" and act accordingly.   I also made a commitment to feed and take care of myself even if nobody else did.  I would make myself a priority and tend to my needs like I would a small child that needed me.  The scale started moving!  No deprivation diets.  No marathon exercise binges.  No guilt or shame, just kindness, love for myself & freedom to continue to CHOOSE LIFE.  When I was in the 9th grade my dad chased me around the house insisting that I lose weight or he would punish me because I weighed so much at that time that I would NEVER want to be that weight. I was past the point of just staying at that weight and growing into it. I was 5'10" then and i still am. 170 is what I weighed then and is in the normal range for my height. It is now my goal and I am about 130 pounds closer to that goal as progress continues.  I needed to realize that weight was a symptom instead of a real issue so that I could deal with the actual issue. What about you? What is your issue? Do you need to CHOOSE LIFE and loving yourself?
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    STEPHLOKI, I'm glad it helped. In some ways we are all in this together and yet some things we do for ourselves. Blessings on the Journey!
    954 days ago
    Thanks for sharing this. It is helpful. I guess I need to work on loving myself as well
    954 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.