Tuesday, August 07, 2018
This blog is just for me to work out my thoughts and feelings that I am dealing with today.
I am not posting this to start debate.
I am just writing down my thoughts on a touchy subject.
My aunt died. My dad's sister, she was 76 and had been sick with lung issues for a few years.
She was a very heavy smoker most of her life.
As children we did spend some time together but not much. We went our own ways in life and had very little contact.
I can remember times when my dads other two sisters and their children took vacations together, had their own little family get togethers. My family wasnt included in this.
The last time I remember us all begin together other than a funeral was when my cousin had a baby shower, in 1983.
We were not close. I was not close to her children. Neither of them were in contact with me and the rare occasions we were in contact were usually at some other family members funeral.
I chose not to go to her services.
My sister is pretty upset with me over this and wanted me to do what was right.
But what was right?
Go, put on a pretense of fake handshakes, fake hugs, with people who neither want to shake my hand or hug me at any other time in my life.
Only when someone dies do we do this, do we put on this show for others?
I asked myself, why?
I am sorry my aunt passed and I do feel for her children and grandchildren. But that for me doesnt mean I need to deal with that facade, going to church, going to the family dinner.
When was the last time any of these people broke bread with me?
This is a family of wealth, at no point in my life of struggles as a single mom did any of them, who owned their own businesses ever ask if I needed a hand up. A job, a chance.
I am sorry if I am coming across as petty and childish, but this is life, this is death, this happens.
Why make it into something it isnt or wasnt?
I can say my goodbyes from my heart and not have to deal with the fake put on hugs of people who have no desire to see or speak to me at any other time in life, only death.
That is all.