Weekend binge drinking SLAYED at last
Wednesday, August 08, 2018
For the past 9 years of my life every single weekend I have managed to be on a drinking bender. From the moment I would get home from work on Friday until Sunday morning when I would black out at 4 or 5 AM. I would drink a full 1.75 handle all by myself to forget about reality, distract myself from boredom and deal with internal pain not knowing how to control my emotions any other way. On my Father's side of the family there is a long line of alcoholics, my Father was one until he passed in 2014 from stomach cancer. Since then it really spiraled out of control I would sometimes not only weekend binge drink but would call in sick for a couple of days to sit in my own sorrowful pit of drunken sadness, I ended up getting fired. Shortly before the passing of my Father I left a 9 year physical and emotionally manipulative relationship, that's where the drinking all began. At first it was partying and fun, then it became a routine part of regular weekly life.
I've never been skinny in my life but I've always been a healthy "thick" as some may call it up until drinking started to take control of my life. I blew up like a balloon. Not only was it the drinking but also the laziness and fast food that went along with it. Every weekend I would say on Sunday when I would wake up at 4PM running to the toilet that I won't do that to my body again, yet every week all I could think about was Friday coming around so I can forget about all of the stress of the week and open that bottle of rum, vodka or cognac. Ohhh the excuses are endless.
2 years ago I found myself in a great career involving horticulture, something that has always been my passion (although it's admin work it still suits)... So I got back on my feet but still was indulging in my weekend binge drinking and would show up to work on Monday like any normal person, nobody would know, in fact I've never shared any of this with anyone in my personal life, not even family, it was all a secret. So last year I finally bought my first home, it's been tough being single for over 4 years but that weekend drinking has (so I thought) helped me cope.
I've never in my life up until recently had a regular primary doctor or utilized any insurance I was paying for up until about 6 months ago I decided to get established with a primary DR since I'm now 33 and obviously drinking like that would take a toll on anyone's body. So I went to the Doctor and the obvious at 250ish pounds and being 5' 2" my top priority is to lose weight and get healthy, though I never told the Doctor about my weekend benders. Sooo, he sent me to have blood work done, when the results came back my triglycerides were extremely high, close to the 400 range and my Vitamin D level was almost completely depleted (I live in FL)... I knew inside this was all due to drinking and unhealthy eating, so the Doctor talked to me when I went for a follow up on the blood work and told me the usual any overweight person would hear and gave me an RX for Vitamin D. I told myself then that was it, no more drinking. Well my birthday came around, I cheated on my eating and just gave up, then 4th of July came around etc... The excuses are never ending, I still was weekend or holiday binge drinking.
I know I may get laughed at for this next sentence, but... Up until 2 weeks ago At 33 years old I finally made the decision to stop, no, no not just saying it, I actually wanted to, that's it. Realizing I've been using drinking to internalize my emotions and really most of all it was out of pure boredom. I have since NEVER in my life felt any better! I started at 250 and am now at 243 in 2 weeks. Every time I see the scale go down it motivates me more. After work I've been taking walks, first they were 10 minutes, then 20, then 30 and today 40 and I actually jogged for the first time probably since I was a kid. Along with eating nothing but fresh unprocessed foods I feel amazing and doing this is totally keeping my mind occupied from drinking, actually the thought of drinking is slowly starting to disgust me thinking about how bad my problem was. The first weekend was really hard for me, but last weekend I didn't even consider it. I know each weekend or holiday conquered will get easier and easier though I also know there will be tough times that I'll need to learn how to deal with.
I know if I go back to that lifestyle; I will without a doubt die at a very young age. There's no turning back now, I have no reason to sell myself short. I was blessed with this life to make corrections and I'll be damned if I give it up for alcohol so much time has already been wasted. I know there will be tough times ahead battling this but I have my sword out ready to SLAY.
If anyone read this, thank you for taking the time. A weight has been lifted just typing this out. One day I hope I can share this with friends and family and others who may be going through what I went through when this all started and the in-between.