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What Happened?

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

I was so on-track. I was so in the zone. I was so focused. I lost 80 lbs and kept it off for a little over 3 years. I felt pretty great until IT happened. I’m not exactly sure why or how, but suddenly and severely, I had a huge shift in my energy. I have a few theories, but probably will never really know for sure. I had been participating in this wonderful Spark Community from the beginning of 2010 and took the year to lose at least 70 or more pounds. I was energetic, healthy and feeling and looking great. I was active and busy and had not only joined a gym but began working at it and even started to lead a Zumba class. I think that is where things started to go a bit off the rails for me. Perhaps I began to bite off a bit more than I could chew (so to speak).

I had been burning the candle at both ends and was beginning to focus far too hard on losing that “last 10 lbs” that perhaps my body was happier keeping. I was working a lot, working out a lot and probably not eating adequate calories for my activity level. I am 5’7” and curvy. I’ve always been between a size 12 and 18 even in my younger years before pregnancies, but for some reason, I was getting a little obsessive about looking perfect and got down to a size 8 and into the 140’s. I was comparing myself to others my height. I wanted to get rid of my muffin top. You know what? I am an apple. I have always carried almost all of my extra weight in my middle. I had lots of extra skin too. I don’t think I would have ever been the “shape” I was so desperately trying to be and I think my muffin top was here to stay.

Then IT happened. I got tired. REALLY tired. I started having headaches, dizzy spells, chills, and felt really weak a lot of the time. I dropped the ball on my fitness routines. I quit the second job and gradually my workouts became fewer and fewer until I clearly just gave up. I was trying really hard to get better and started seeing a Naturopath who prescribed some hormone therapy. That only made matters worse! The treatment set my anxiety and rage off to unmanageable levels. My mental health began a very rapid decline and then became 100% of my focus for about the last 5 years. I began to indulge again in all of the foods that I had almost banished from my life. I had not only given up the battle of the “last ten pounds”, but I was eating and drinking pretty much whatever I thought would make me “feel better” which were probably the last things that my body needed.

Well, here I am in the last half of 2018. I’ve turned 50 and regained the all the weight, plus about another 8 lbs or so. The good news is that I have finally been referred to the right medical professional and am in good hands. I’m on MONITORED hormone therapy and am now dealing with the joys of full-on menopause and all that that entails (including, of course, WEIGHT GAIN)! I feel though, that now is the time to get back on track. Now that my mental health is in much better shape and I’m feeling mentally stronger, I feel that I can focus on getting my physical health back in better shape. I miss a strong body. I miss being able to run up flights of stairs without being winded. I miss having energy and sleeping well. I miss looking good, of course, but I need to focus on other things this time around. I can’t let my obsession with getting to a certain size or weight or look take me down the wrong path this time.

I do have goals, yes. I do have an ultimate weight goal, yes, but I have to remember this time that the process is the important part; that eating well and moving more and having more energy and strength is really the most important goal of all. I have a new puppy and, if I’m lucky, I will have grandkids one day in the not too distant future. I want to be mobile and agile, and strong enough to keep up with all of these little ones. I want to experience this stage of my life the best I can and be my best self, inside and out! What I fuel my body with will ultimately determine my qualify of life, so here I am again, folks……hoping that my renewed commitment and this amazing community will help me get there…AND STAY THERE, this time!
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