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Heavy Load

Sunday, September 23, 2018

Hi All!

6.5 pounds. I have lost 6.5 pounds since September 6th. I would like to say that I am proud of myself...but truth is, I'm not. I have been watching what I am eating and because of the challenge I am going through the steps of working out. There is ZERO heart in what I am doing. And it is totally a mental thing. I know this. I have lost 40 pounds on this method before. But I was 20 pounds lighter when I started this the last time.

I went to a wedding this weekend. After weeks of looking for something to wear, I gave up and bought something pretty similar to what I am used to wearing. I put it on last night and I cried. I looked like a beluga whale. I don't know what I was thinking buying that dress. Did I honesty look at myself in the mirror and think that I looked good? If I did, I clearly need to wear my glasses more! But that has been my overall problem. I have NEVER been this weight. EVER! I don't know how to dress for this body. I don't know how to live in this body. My cousins were asking to dance last night but I was wearing heels and they couldn't handle the weight of my body. I felt horrible for my husband. I don't want him to see me like this. He loves me, this I know. And he has never indicated that he does not find me attractive. But because I am living with these insecurities, I shut down. I back away. I posted a pic of the dress. UGH!

I am still working with the nutritionist and that part I enjoy. This program really focuses on the basics of eating. Discovering why I eat. Actions and reactions. It has definitely been an eye opening experience. I started journaling as a result so bear with me. Often times I find it easier to get on here...

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. May you have a fabulous week. Tomorrow is a new day.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I understand your feelings but honestly, I thought you looked really pretty in the dress and I bet others did too. Try not to be so hard on yourself. emoticon
    484 days ago
    484 days ago
    We are so much harder on ourselves. If you saw loved one wearing it, if your shape, would you demean them? Not likely. It's a hard habit to break. I went into therapy to help myself. I feel love for myself now. I think the dress looks so pretty on you.
    484 days ago
    Take it easy on yourself. You are beautiful inside and out.
    484 days ago
    I could easily have written much of this for myself. emoticon
    484 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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