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11/12/18 People

Monday, November 12, 2018



"Never blame anyone in your life. Good people give you happiness. Bad people give you experience. Worst people give you lessons and best people give you memories."




"Performance review: Okay, you brought the plague to Europe, then nothing for a while. Then you introduced kale to the world. I'll admit, that was a pretty good one, but what evil have you done lately?"


I met an older woman in a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old.

In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.

We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I’d ever had a Sportsman’s Double? ‘What’s that? I asked.

‘It’s a mother and daughter threesome,’ she said.

As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like.

I said, ‘No, I haven’t.’ We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, ‘tonight’s your lucky night’.

We went back to her place. We walked in.

She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: ‘Mom…you still awake?’


dailyjokes.com


It's World Orphans Day to raise awareness of the over 150 million orphans worldwide, usually due to war, famine, or natural disasters. Look for ways to help the local orphanages and shelters so these kids know someone does care. It's Chicken Soup of the Soul Day (taking a lead from the series, this is a day to reflect and celebrate where you've been and where you're headed), Happy Hour Day (celebrates that time of the day when many bars and taverns offer drinks at discounted prices), Pizza with the Works Except Anchovies Day (a day to celebrate that monster of a pizza with lots of toppings except anchovies; I suppose if you really want anchovies, feel free to order some but you may have to sit alone), Stanton Day (celebrates Elizabeth Cady Stanton (1815-1902), a pioneer in the struggle for women's rights; she formulated the first bill of rights for women in 1848), Pneumonia Day (raises awareness of the risks, prevention, diagnostics, and treatments for a medical condition that can turn deadly), and Fancy Rat and Mouse Day (Fancy isn't an adjective, it's the name of the domesticated species of the mice and rats most chosen as family pets; today is to raise awareness and sing their praises; you go right ahead, I'll just stay here on the couch with my feet up).

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