Life Flashing Before My Eyes
Tuesday, November 13, 2018
I have had a rotten life I grew up with parents who really didn't seem to care about me. I was over at my friend's house next door most of the time and at my wedding her father told my husband to take care of his 3rd little girl I never knew until then that he felt that way about me. That actually was not bad I suppose. I had many tragic deaths in the family starting with my 17 1/2 month son from a coffee burn, my 17 month old nephew that I adored died overnight chocking to death on those little bouncy balls, I battled cancer and won the battle, then a few years later my SIL and 6 year old nephew were murdered in their home my 16 month old niece was unharmed an had free run over the house my husband and I took her in I lost her to social services 6 years later after my husband's death 2 years prior. My MIL died and was found about 3 weeks they think after suffering a massive heart attack. I watched my grandmother die of lung cancer she never smoked she was diagnosed with it and died 3 weeks later this was a year before my husband died. My favorite Aunt died January 25th, 2017 from a 6 year long battle with breast cancer. There were more family deaths but these are the ones that touched my heart the most and shattered it in a million pieces.
After my husband died it was all it took to totally shatter me, yet I had to keep going for my kids. Social Services was brought in because the younger kids were missing a lot of days from school. My oldest son was going to school everyday. My neuropathy pain was growing worse and I was having a hard time dragging them out of bed (literally). They didn't want to go because they were being made fun of for not having a dad anymore. My daughter when she moved in with her boyfriend broke contact, I have not seen or heard from her in 5 years.
For some reason I am having dreams about all of them lately. Which is strange in itself because I rarely dream and back to times when I was a kid, I've lived on the streets. Like my life is flashing before my eyes.
I put on weight because I did not want to be whistled at anymore along with the fact I just didn't care anymore. I began my diet of many years of mountain dew and potato chips I did this for about 7 years. I suffered a full blown small stroke. over the last 11 years I suffered 6 more small full blown strokes. Now I have Type 2 Diabetes, Chronic Kidney Disease, COPD, heart problems- severely leaking Aortic Valve and Moderate leaking of the Mitral valve. All because I stopped caring about my self. It has taken the health problems to wake me up and turn my life around. I am back to eating healthy and back to exercising. I am also meditating and doing visualization exercises, spiritual growth to become an all around better person.