SOFT_VAL67
100,000-149,999 SparkPoints 119,141
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game changer

Friday, November 16, 2018

For much too long I have been playing a losing game. I mostly havent even played, just sat on the sidelines and watched others play.
And they are always on the winning side, myself on the losing side.
But I always thought I was in the game.
I finally had to realize I have not even been playing. I couldnt even win a participation ribbon at this point.
Time to change!!!
How many times I have said that to myself, i lost track along time ago.
I admit that I just gave up recently.
I just didnt watch or pay attention or even try.
I can only do one thing and that is try even harder, change my way of thinking and get back in the game.
I am up 29 pounds from my lowest weight this time 2 years ago!
29 pounds.
How trying and hard it was for me to lose that weight.
But it wasnt even a problem gaining it all back. I didnt even notice.
But I can guarantee you I will notice how hard it is to lose it all again.
The second or third or fourth time losing the same weight again is never easy.
It gets harder each time and age makes it even harder.
I also admit I dont walk like I used to. Going from 4 miles plus a day to 1 mile a couple times a week.
Doing over 11,000 steps daily to struggling to get 3.000 most days.
I see it. But I swept it under the rug and I went on with eating normally.
Which isnt normal at all for someone struggling and struggle every single day of my life.
It is all I know and all I have known for so very long.
I am not going to sit here and grandstand and make bold over the top statements about how I am going to win this game.
I am not even sure I can win one battle in this game.
But here i am once again, trying, again.
Losing is winning in this case and I just want to be a winner.
I just want to stop feeling like a failure and stop hating that I let myself down, again.
This feeling is awful.
Even writing this blog is part of the game, because I am admitting that I am not very good at playing.
But I guess I am still in it so here I go again.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KENDRACARROLL
    You're in the right place. Make your game plan and let's play!
    You've got this!
    emoticon
    701 days ago
  • GINA515
    You are not alone. You very got to get yourself in the game. We'll help you win!
    708 days ago
  • BIKE4HEALTH
    Spark people is a great tool to get you where you want. Stay with its suggestions, challenges and water and you will see the desired results
    708 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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