"Push harder than yesterday if you want a different tomorrow."
When hipsters end up in refugee camps for future civil wars: "Is it paleo?" "I'm vegan!" "I have gluten allergy."
A guy goes into a club wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one.
He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.
He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."
For my fellow nerds:
An engineer, physicist, and mathematician have been imprisoned.
At some point, the warden realizes that the three men haven’t been fed in a while.
He accompanies an officer to check up on them.
The warden and officer arrive at the first cell that contained the engineer.
To their astonishment, the cell was empty and the wall had a hole in it.
“How is that possible?” said the officer. “That wall was solid concrete!”
The warden quietly inspected the cell.
After a few minutes, he exited and said, “He seems to have built a pick out of the eating utensils we gave him and used it to make the hole.”
The warden and officer continued to the next cell that contained the physicist.
However, he too was gone and once again there was a hole in the wall.
And of course, the warden inspected the cell and returned after a few minutes.
The warden declared, “According to the papers on his bed, he very carefully calculated the weakest point on the wall and repeatedly hit it with a rock until it broke open.”
Finally, they arrived at the last cell that contained the mathematician.
Unfortunately, he lay dead on the cell floor from starvation.
The officer sighed. “After the other two, I would have expected he would have also escaped. He also has some papers on his bed.”
The warden entered the cell and picked up the papers. Then he shook his head and chuckled.
“It appears,” the warden said, “that he spent several days writing a very detailed proof that it was possible to break the wall.”
It's Green Monday! Similar to Cyber Monday, a day for online shopping. Always on the closest Monday to 10 days before Christmas to allow time for shipping. Get cracking! It's Dewey Decimal System Day! Honors the 1851 birthday of Melvil Dewey, the American librarian who created the system of arranging libraries in 1876. The original guideline was a 4-page pamphlet that has grown to a 4-volume set. Who remembers the catalog drawers and the little index cards? It's Human Rights Day (commemorates when the UN adopted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights in 1948, shortly after the agency was founded), Festival for the Souls of Dead Whales Day (some disagreement as to the origin; some say it was part of the Alaskan Inuit heritage and some say there's no record of such a festival and it was created by someone to raise awareness of the over-fishing of the whaling industry), Lager Day (lagers are matured and conditioned at a cold temperature and bottom fermented with a particular yeast), Nobel Prize Day (commemorates the first Nobel Prize in 1901; Alfred Nobel created the prizes through his will and estate in 1896 which bequeathed the funds for the prize which honors scientific exploration in physics, chemistry, medicine, literature, economics, and peace; the scientific awards are given in Stockholm and the peace prize is given in Oslo), International Animal Rights Day (purposely set for the same day as the human rights day to draw attention to the plight of animals at the hand of mankind), Jane Addams Day (honors the first woman to receive the Nobel Peace Prize in 1931).