JSTETSER
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Be A Finisher!

Monday, December 31, 2018


Have you ever been talked into a project that you wish you had never started? The half-finished skirt is a project that I never wanted to start.
Four years ago, my mom picked out some green material a simple A-line skirt pattern and asked me to make a skirt of her to be buried in. I worked with her on cutting out the pattern before losing the project somewhere in my sewing room. I found it recently, but I have absolutely no interest in finishing it. I don't want to be involved in this project, but I don't know how to say "no" to my mother.
My mother has asked me about the skirt a few times, and I’ve always sid; “Sorry Mom, it’s somewhere in my sewing room, and I’ll work on it next chance I get.” I don’t know why, but I don’t want to make a burial garment while Mom is alive. I guess I’m afraid that I’d seal her fate.
I haven’t really thought about what my mother will wear in the casket, but it won’t be a green skirt made by me. This is one request that I can’t fulfill for my mom. Perhaps she will continue to live until I agree to make the skirt. In that case, she will live a very long life. I like having her around.

My mother has lots of lovely clothes. I know that I should feel honored to make her burial clothes, but I doubt that I’ll ever “get a chance” to finish this project. Have you ever been asked to make something that you really had no heart to finish?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TOMATOCAFEGAL
    Wow, I am with you.
    341 days ago
  • HARRIETT14
    I really can't blame you for not wanting to make that skirt. I would never want to sew something for that reason alone. Why not explain to your mother how you truly feel about her request? I'm sure she would understand.
    343 days ago
  • WOOFERCOALBOY
    I particularly like SRWYLIE's suggestion of finishing it soon & asking her to wear it often before she dies. I didn't honor my aunt's request for what she wanted to be buried in - wish I had.

    I don't really understand the idea of being buried in one's best clothing - my thought for my own cremation is to wear the clothes that aren't donate-able because too ratty, since they are to be burned anyway, & donate everything else.
    343 days ago
  • DESERTDREAMERS
    Sounds like it really hurts to even think about losing Mom. As others have suggested, perhaps talking about it would help. Does the sister that blames you for everything sew? Maybe she could make the skirt. ...
    343 days ago
  • L*I*T*A*
    Happy New Year..............
    344 days ago
  • MAMISHELI53
    I have more difficulty - aka procrastination - doing special orders (ie requests) in clay than those that I just feel like doing. I can understand your reluctance. It is difficult to consider the death of loved ones. I was comfortable talking about death with my late husband because he was an RN and dealt with it. But when I talked about the eventuality of my present husband's parents' departure he kind of whimpered and said he didn't like to think about it - he wanted them to always be with him!
    344 days ago
  • JSTETSER
    Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment on my blog. You're right!
    I will talk with my Mom. I can do it! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    344 days ago
  • RKOTTEK
    Happy New Year to you
    344 days ago
  • GRAMMYEAC
    Hmmm... That's a difficult situation. Sometime it might be good to share your concerns with your mom. Perhaps there are other unspoken reasons that can be discussed to reach a mutually satisfactory outcome to your dilemma.
    344 days ago
  • PATRICIA-CR
    I have never finished anyone else's projects and probably never will.
    344 days ago
  • ARTJAC
    emoticon
    344 days ago
  • TIKITAMI

    You're mom made this request but it doesn't mean you need to do it. She's your mom and I'm sure she must understand what she is asking you is just too hard. I can't imagine the stress it must cause you every time you look at that fabric.
    344 days ago
  • MORTICIAADDAMS
    I never wanted to hear about my parents funeral plans before they died. I knew it was important but I felt the same way you do.
    344 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/31/2018 5:23:18 PM
  • PHOENIX1949
    Tough one. Having been the 'kid' who oversaw the burials of both parents, I would advise finish the skirt soon. Thankfully, my parents preplanned and prepaid most of the details and costs.
    344 days ago
  • BIRBKITTEN1234
    Hard times! Hope you and your mom have many more years together.
    344 days ago
  • LIS193
    That is tough one..
    emoticon
    345 days ago
  • KATIE5668
    I made a beautiful afgan for the mother of a dear friend. She only got to enjoy it for a few days, but my friend had her wrapped in it for her funeral. She said it gave her comfort to know her Mom was in wrapped in love . Perhaps the same for you?
    345 days ago
  • KATIE5668
    I understand your feelings, yet I understand what she is asking as well. Indeed it is an act of love to create a garment for her last dress. I agree with ..tell her how you feel, make it for her to wear now & then she can also have it for her funeral
    345 days ago
  • GABY1948
    I understand what your feelings are and don't blame you. Perhaps you can just talk to her and explain what you did to us. It is perfect logical to me and if my son came to me and told me he didn't want to make something for my casket or whatever I could sure understand his feelings. I would feel much worse if he made it right away...like he can't wait. Whatever you do it will be right or YOU and you are the one that counts!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    345 days ago
  • SRWYLIE
    I think I would make the skirt on the condition that she wear it while she is still alive so that I could appreciate and experience her joy at having something handmade from me. I would want to give her that happiness and experience if for myself. You are in a tough situation, Jackie. Give your mom a hug from me. And save one or two for yourself. Much love for the New Year!
    345 days ago
  • NASFKAB
    We are buried wrapped in a couple of white cloth sheets but I know its different for others
    345 days ago
  • SPEDED2
    I've left written instructions of how I want my final arrangements to be completed. All my children have been told that if they don't follow my wishes, I will come back and haunt them for the remainder of their natural lives.

    345 days ago
  • GODS-PRINCESS
    My mom died 7 years ago. She had been telling me all along what she wanted and I had not been listening. When she died, I wish I had listened because the arrangements for her would have been easier. My dad just died on the 23. He never said what he wanted so we are struggling as to what he would have wanted, We are seeing every day as we are planning God's hand leading us. I understand so much but I would finish it because when she dies, you will then know her wishes. You will feel honored that you finished that skirt and you are honoring her. Your mom is actually trying to make things easier for you by telling you what she wants by allowing you the honor of making that for her. She knows your heart and she knows when she passes you will be thinking that you wished you could have honored her by making something for her to wear. She is trying to make things easier for you now not harder. It does seem hard as she is telling you want she wants but when she passes you will realize that having that outfit done and knowing it's done is one less thing you will need to think about and plan for!
    345 days ago
  • IOEINC
    My dad passed away from leukemia at the young age of 56 and made his wishes known to be cremated and have his ashes spread at his hunting cabin in upstate Pennsylvania. My mom hated the idea and when he finally passed away she wouldn't even consider it and had him buried in the family plot. She wanted to be buried next to him which she is. My younger brother and I have always regretted not pushing harder to honor my dad's wishes but at the time we were so devastated to have lost our beloved father way too early!!

    I can understand why it's a difficult issue for you. emoticon emoticon
    No child wants to have that discussion with parents. We have started making our wishes known to our adult children and they do everything to avoid those discussions.

    345 days ago
  • LIVINHEALTHY9
    That would be a tough one. You want to honor her wishes but I also understand the superstition about sealing her fate.
    Maybe talking with her about it will ease your apprehension.
    345 days ago
  • 1DAY-ATA-TIME
    I totally understand why you have difficulty finishing this project. I can't say that I ever been asked to do something that you really had no heart to do in my personal life.
    345 days ago
  • CONTROUBLE
    I don't blame you for not wanting to do this. I don't think I could even if I did sew.
    345 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    Oh that's a tough one, for sure. I was asked by Dad to be cremated (and he expressed that wish for MOm, too, which she was unable to express due to her Alzheimer's, but they'd discussed it earlier and I remember Mom mentioning it pre-illness.) I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but did end up honoring their wishes. I felt glad to handle their estate and do things that they wanted done on THEIR terms. They helped ME my whole life, so uncomfortable as the idea was, I did that for them.

    You'll do what's right, I know. For sure, it's hard right now.

    HUGS
    345 days ago
  • MARTHA324
    Wow, never had to do something like that and no wonder you don't want to finish the skirt!
    345 days ago
  • NELLJONES
    I'd probably finish the clothing for your mother, but discard all the other projects just so they wouldn't be hanging over my head making me feel guilty.
    345 days ago
  • POLSKARENIA
    Tough one, but then that’s mums for you. I too think this is about honouring her love for you and she would probably tell you that she is in no hurry to be buried either, but when the time comes, she would like to be in a skirt that you made her, and that it’s silly of you to think otherwise.
    emoticon emoticon
    345 days ago
  • LINDA058
    I understand your feelings but would finish the skirt
    345 days ago
  • DOVESEYES
    Knowing the relationship you and your Mum have, I think she wants to honour your love and friendship. We have no control over the time or day however we are able to include those we love most in how we are respectfully laid to rest. :)

    I had the honour of doing what my Dad wanted ... it was a wonderful day for me.
    345 days ago
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