"The greater your storm, the brighter your rainbow."
BOY: "Now I been sitting here for 20 minutes…When does the book start?" DAD: "Son, you need to turn the pages yourself."
There was a man who couldn’t stand his wife’s cat. So, one day, he decided to get rid of him by dumping him a long way away from the house.
He put the cat in the car and drove about 20 blocks away, then he left him at the park. But when he got home, the cat was there as if nothing had happened.
The next day he decided to take the cat somewhere further away, about 50 blocks. He put him out of the car and drove home. And again, the cat was there waiting for him. ‘This is impossible,’ said the man to himself. ‘tomorrow I’ll make sure he can’t come back!’
The next day he puts the cat in the car and he drives around, taking turn after turn – right, left, right, right and so on. Eventually, after about an hour of driving, he finally lets the cat out and drives home.
A few hours later, the phone rings at his house and his wife answers it. It’s the husband, and he asks: “Is the cat there?” “Why, yes.” says the wife, “he’s been here quite a while, where are you?”
“Put that bastard on the phone, I’m lost and I need directions.”
It's Thank God It's Monday! Always the first Monday of the new year, this day is for that extra kick to get us up and at 'em. No dragging your feet allowed today. (Yeah, try telling that to my grandsons going back to school.) It's Bobblehead Day! No particular reason for today, though the first record of a bobblehead in is the 17th century; there is a National Bobblehead Hall of Fame and Museum. It's Distaff Day (a throwback to the medieval symbols of the distaff for women's chores; women resumed housework the day after the Epiphany; men resumed their field work and today is also known as Plough Day), Harlem Globetrotter's Day (in honor of their first game, Jan. 7, 1927), I'm Not Going to Take it Anymore Day (this day is permission to vent about life's frustrations), Programmer's Day (raises awareness of the how programmers bring positive changes to improve our daily lives; yes, updates are a pain, but if you've ever worked with some of the old programs, you'd be grateful), Old Rock Day (no, not rock & roll; this is a day geologists love because each rock tells a story of what was in the ground eons ago), Pass Gas Day (yes, a day a 3rd-grade boy would love; all I'm going to say is there are jokes about same recorded in 1900 BCE Sumaria), Tempura Day (a day for the lightly battered and deep-fried seafood and vegetables), Orthodox Christmas Day (the Eastern Orthodox Christians celebrate today as the birth of Jesus; the difference is because the Eastern Orthodox follow the Julian calendar while the Western world follows the Gregorian calendar), and National Weigh-In Day (always the first Monday of the new year; establishes that starting point for the new resolutions).