Monday, January 14, 2019
As I sit here getting over the flu, I think to myself what has happened to me. What happened to that girl who was full of spunk, athletic, carefree, fearless. That the trials of this life have beat her down so many times I have been to rock bottom several times, I fought my way out each time, yet always a part of me that was left behind in the pit. These days the girl has become frail and sick, sure she is active and eating better there is something left behind that pulls her back to the world of sickness and despair. She is only holding on from being dragged in to the life that dwells in the world of rock bottom, the realm of the forgotten, where you can hide from yourself, far easier than facing her reality. She's exhausted, tired of fighting. Why fight anymore when she keeps returning to this realm.
She sees sparkles of light which show her memories of her reality, her children, her furbabies, her friends, her dreams, her desires they are still there. The speckles of light swirl upward leading her back to her reality, lighting her way out of the cold darkness.
Climbing back from rock bottom back to face her reality. She realizes even with her many serious illnesses she still have people that care, people who still need her here, all the animals still need her here. She realizes that she is in a pretty good situation to follow her dreams and desires if she only finds out what binds her. The strength is there, kindness is there. She realizes now oddly what is holding her back is fear of or it could be that she still has not found where she truly needs to be.
Life truly is a mind game, once a plan is made and the right mindset is there she can achieve whatever she wants or needs. She had done this in the past and was successful. She just needs to break the binds of fear to get there.