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Rock Bottom

Monday, January 14, 2019

As I sit here getting over the flu, I think to myself what has happened to me. What happened to that girl who was full of spunk, athletic, carefree, fearless. That the trials of this life have beat her down so many times I have been to rock bottom several times, I fought my way out each time, yet always a part of me that was left behind in the pit. These days the girl has become frail and sick, sure she is active and eating better there is something left behind that pulls her back to the world of sickness and despair. She is only holding on from being dragged in to the life that dwells in the world of rock bottom, the realm of the forgotten, where you can hide from yourself, far easier than facing her reality. She's exhausted, tired of fighting. Why fight anymore when she keeps returning to this realm.

She sees sparkles of light which show her memories of her reality, her children, her furbabies, her friends, her dreams, her desires they are still there. The speckles of light swirl upward leading her back to her reality, lighting her way out of the cold darkness.

Climbing back from rock bottom back to face her reality. She realizes even with her many serious illnesses she still have people that care, people who still need her here, all the animals still need her here. She realizes that she is in a pretty good situation to follow her dreams and desires if she only finds out what binds her. The strength is there, kindness is there. She realizes now oddly what is holding her back is fear of or it could be that she still has not found where she truly needs to be.

Life truly is a mind game, once a plan is made and the right mindset is there she can achieve whatever she wants or needs. She had done this in the past and was successful. She just needs to break the binds of fear to get there.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    305 days ago
    First, lovely written anguish. Life by itself is a challenge we are daring to live. Illnesses tend to leave us pretty frail in all senses, what makes us feel we're down in a hole. Focus on everything positive while you get your strength back. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    305 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon I hear the music in you & the spark of desire in your eloquent words ~ as you sing your song, follow the sparkles forward, for we are glad you are here to Sparkle with us ~ let's play & dance in the confetti that is life ~ as long as we're able :)
    306 days ago
    Yep, it does feel like a piece of us gets left behind in the pit. But, it's growth and wisdom that replaces it and becomes part of us. Another way of evolving.

    Sometimes it is hard to see the change of older years as a blessing. True, I don't have the energy and spunk in my late 60's as I did in my 30's, 40's, even 50's. But I've learned it's ok; it's just a different aspect with different focuses.

    306 days ago
    You are so loved and we are with you! Thanks for sharing your struggle, Amy.
    306 days ago
    been there done that, sometimes you just need to wallow a little longer to realize you never want to go back there ever again. what doesn't kill you will make you stronger, you are dragging yourself out of that pit, become your own best friend and take care of that person who is struggling because she MATTERS!
    306 days ago
    relax and enjoy Yourself. you may be putting too much pressure on yourself
    306 days ago
    306 days ago
    (((((HUGS))))) Definitely there are many who care for you. I feel the sadness in your blog, but also I hear the hope that things will be better. That starts w/you and I feel you are recognizing what's going on w/you emotionally, and that's the first step to healing. The fact that you blogged such vulnerability, that's another huge sign you're ready to heal.

    HUGS and prayers.
    306 days ago
    Keep trudging that road to happy destiny
    306 days ago
  • no profile photo ELRIDDICK
    Thanks for sharing
    306 days ago
    You can you will
    306 days ago
  • LINDA058
    306 days ago
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