It has been just a hot minute or so since I've last posted a blog entry!
Hello to both old followers, and new; while I am sad to see a number of inactive/deactivated Spark Pages on my Spark Friends section, I am glad to see those who have stuck around, and am also glad to those who have decided to reach out and add me!
It's hard to believe I've been a member since 4/20/2010; my SparkVersary is coming up in a bit over a month! It's something, to imagine where I would have been if I would have stuck with it in the first place...but you know...life is interesting, and I've come back. Feeling less burn-out than before (knock on wood); I'm not focusing on racing to be xxx-lbs. By xx/xx/2019. My goal date is November, but as long as I am losing excess weight at a healthy pace, and I am adjusting my lifestyle and nutrition in a safe and healthy manner, then I am 100% happy with my journey.
A few days ago, I wondered what the point was. I won't lie, I was tired and stressed from work, and I just did NOT want to push myself. I did, and I'm glad that I did. I have my dad's final BP numbers and his final weight before his passing posted in my “About Me” for a reason; no matter what, I have to do this for me. I want to feel good at the end of the day. I want to know that I've made good choices.
(Good choices = cholesterol being 202 this year, as opposed to 221 one year ago...and a FURTHER 227 three years ago!!!)
Some days, good choices are better than others. I know some of you caught my post about anxiety/depression on the Community Feed. Thankfully, I deal a little less with anxiety these days, and depression isn't as frequent a visitor as it used to be. I am so thankful for that. Some life circumstance have changed for me – I am living 100% on my own, no roommate...I feel much more confident in my job than I used to – BUT, when anxiety/depression DO strike, they hit HARD. And while I do my best to stay conscientious and positive, feeling that heavy, dark blanket enveloping my chest and my thoughts is so difficult to try and lift. I'm grateful to have people in my life who understand and support me when I'm having a hard time. No amount of praying and/or trying to think positive helps – it's about allowing yourself to feel these things, doing your best to take care of yourself how you can, and allowing your support group to lift and love you. Observe the feelings, let them pass.
I have a 10mg dose of Prozac I take each day, and I am consistently amazed at how well it keeps me in check. I remember a few years back, when I tried to wean myself off from taking it – that did not go well for me. I am grateful that I feel like my authentic self on this medication, and that while it calms my more negative feelings, I am still able to feel emotions (Zoloft made me entirely numb for awhile – I had to do the ol' switcharoo!).
I'm rambling a whole lot, I know. TL;DR – I am having a better go on SP this time (3 months, holla!), I am glad to know I'm taking better steps, and anxiety/depression are very real issues.
I am very much what you see/what you get. I wear my heart on my sleeves. I speak honestly. I advocate for a lot of issues. I am empathetic, I am INFJ, I am Virgo. Mister Rogers has been a HUGE inspiration to me as of late. I am not always the greatest at replying ASAP, but if you ever want to reach out and message me about anything...drop me a line. No matter what you're feeling, fighting, seeing, hearing...you are valid, strong, supported, and loved. You're not alone, ever. We're all in this together.
(Photo from 1/15/'19 - here's looking at you!)