Wednesday, May 01, 2019
Have had a lot of things going on (some good, some not so good) but still been doing a lot of reading and talking and introspection behind the scenes, even though I haven't been very active on SP the last few weeks.
Hubby was on vacation for a week (but he felt sick most of the time) and then he was off work - sick for almost a week after that - so my whole 'routine' went out the window the last little while.
At first we thought it was a man-cold but it turns out it is a chronic sinus problem that he has experienced over the past few years - it surfaces full-strength and sticks around for a couple of weeks (or months) until meds knock it back. He's seeing two specialists now and hopefully will get some actual answers instead of the typical brush-off by the former doctor.
So many 'threads to pull' in my search for answers to my mental and emotional baggage - it's a bit overwhelming to have insights popping up continually. I can't follow all of them at once. At any one time I'm reading 10 books or more about different things.
One of my latest 'reads' is a book for drug users who are attempting to 'clean up' (that may not be the best phrase, but I can't think of a better one). I've found it really useful to apply it to weight loss and overeating. It's a workbook format so it asks a lot of questions to think about how your 'drug' use (or food use) has impacted your life.
The chapter I read last night was about "cues" - what cues you to want drugs (food)? Boredom? Upset? Being with other people who are using (eating)? Celebrating? Feeling angry, anxious, vulnerable, lonely, not good enough? Feeling like it can't hurt 'just this once"? When I sat down and made my list I see some things that I can work on - quite a long list, actually.
It was a bit alarming to see the commonality with drug users. I wouldn't have said I had an 'addiction' but it's pretty clear that I am 'addicted' to using some foods to excess. I don't binge on celery, for example, but potato chips have a life-span of about 24 hours (on a good day).
I haven't finished the chapter so I don't know what to do with this knowledge (yet) but I see that I will have to be *much* more conscious about my eating patterns.