Along with all the other junk in my head that I've been uncovering I'm realizing that I'm not as truthful as I think I am. I don't generally lie to people, (in fact I'm too forward -- just blurting out the truth as I see it sometimes, which has caused me multiple problems) but I'm lying to myself:
"Just one more cookie won't hurt"
"I don't need to exercise today I did a lot yesterday"
"Pizza is OK for supper, I don't eat much"
These 'little' lies have paved a path to 100 pounds of excess fat that my body doesn't need.
This morning I had a muffin for breakfast - one from the grocery store - they're massive and I really didn't need (or want) the whole thing - it probably has 350 calories in it, maybe more. A sprinkling of blueberries does not equate to a serving of fruit so the whole thing is just fat and white carbs - nothing redeeming about it.
But (here comes the excuses) I justified it by telling myself it was quick and easy to grab and eat; my knees are hurting and i don't want to stand at the counter to make eggs; and the muffins need to be eaten up before they go stale; if I don't put butter on it it won't be so bad.
There were probably more excuses but that about sums it up. I ate the whole muffin and figured I could limit my carbs for the rest of the day to make up for it.
Now it's three hours later and I'm basically 'starving' again - the white carbs have spiked my glucose and dropped off again and I'm no further ahead than I was three hours ago. I have a headache and I'm not feeling all that great - and I know I should have made a better choice for breakfast.
And even after realizing all that I'm still thinking I won't 'bother' exercising today because I did a lot yesterday and my knees do hurt.
The truth is that eating a high-fat, high-carb breakfast was not a good choice.
The truth is that I need to exercise today - in some way - even if my knees hurt (I can find an alternative).
The truth is I make these excuses WAY too often and it's not helping me.
I need to live in integrity, especially about food and exercise. It's time to stop the excuses and be truthful. I *deserve* to be truthful to myself, to acknowledge the damage my poor eating choices have made (and are making) on my body and to live in such a way that I help my body heal.