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05/26/19 Awaken

Sunday, May 26, 2019



"Without new experiences, something inside of us sleeps. The sleeper must awaken." Frank Herbert



"I wish one of my other personalities loved to clean."


One day while walking downtown, a Human Resources woman was hit by a bus and was tragically killed. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

“Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had an HR manager make it this far and we’re really not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” said the woman.

“Well, I’d like to, but I have higher orders. What we’re going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in,” the Saint replied.

“Actually, I think I’ve made up my mind… I prefer to stay in Heaven.”

“Sorry, we have our rules…”

And with that St. Peter put the HR manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to Hell. The doors opened and the HR manager found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends – fellow HR professionals that she had worked with. They were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. The HR manager was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates where St. Peter was waiting for her.

“Now it’s time to spend a day in Heaven” he said. So the HR manager spent the next 24 hours lounging around on the clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it, her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

“So, you’ve spent a day in Hell and you’ve spent a day in Heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,” he said.

The HR manager paused for a second and then replied, “Well, I never thought I’d say this. I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell.”

So, St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again the HR manager went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up garbage and putting it in sacks for the evening meal. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her and laughed at her.

“I don’t understand,” stammered the HR manager. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.”

The Devil looked at her and grinned: “That’s because yesterday we were recruiting you… but today you’re staff.”

dailyjokes.com



It's Red Head Day! A salute to the rarest of hair color and to educate about the stigma such as a fiery temper. With some famous red-heads, Lucille Ball and Anne of Green Gables, only 2% of the population have red hair, mostly of northern or western European ancestry. The highest percentage from Scotland and Ireland.
--Indianapolis 500 Day: The Indianapolis 500 is a car race held at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway in Speedway, Indiana, always on the Sunday of Memorial Day Weekend.
--Blueberry Cheesecake Day: a salute to the favorite version of cheesecake; cheesecake itself dates back to Ancient Greece and it's more recently Americans have been adding the variations; in America, cheesecake is made with cream cheese; in Italy, it's from ricotta cheese and in German and Poland, it's from quark cheese, a form of curd cheese.
--Cherry Dessert Day: salutes any dessert made with cherries, take your pick.
--Paper Airplane Day: a salute to the practice of folding paper into aerodynamic models, aerogami; originally from Ancient China with modifications from Japan.
--Sally Ride Day: commemorates the birthday (1951) of the first American woman astronaut (and youngest) to go into space aboard the Challenger June 18, 1983.
--World Dracula Day: commemorates the day in 1897 when Bran Stoker's "Dracula" was first published; the introduction of Count Dracula became the model for the genre and is based on Transylvanian superstitions.
--Lindy Hop Day: sometimes called the jitterbug and considered part of the swing dance style, the Lindy Hop was started in New York City, in 1928, as a fusion of jazz, tap, breakaway, and the Charleston; the name is a nod to the 1927 flight of Charles Lindberg, his 'hop' across the Atlantic in a plane.

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