HAPPY FATHER'S DAY "Any fool can have a child. That doesn't make you a father. It's the courage to raise a child that makes you a father." Barack Obama
Top 3 (bad) Dad jokes:
Me: Please may I leave the table? Dad: And where are you going to leave it?
Me: Hi, there, is Monica around? Dad: No, she's more of an oblong shape.
Me: Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don't turn it on.
More Dad jokes (you've been warned):
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tearable.
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
Ill call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.
The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, "No, just leave it in the carton!"
5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
The rotation of earth really makes my day.
I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
I’ve never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.
A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
It's Father's Day! Enjoy your day with the fathers in your life and let them know what they mean to you. The first Father's Day was June 19, 1910 as a result of the efforts of Sonora Smart Dodd from Spokane, Washington. During speeches for Mother's Day, she reflected about her father who raised 6 kids by himself after their mother had passed away. She wanted a way to honor the sacrifices her father made so she spearheaded a Father's Day movement.
--Bloomsday: today celebrates the novel "Ulysses" and its author James Joyce who was noted for his complex writing; the whole story takes place on June 16, 1904 and follows the protagonist, Leopold Bloom, as he explores all of Dublin, Ireland; it was published in Paris in 1922 but banned in the US until 1933; "Ulysses" is often assigned as a literature class assignment but many don't finish it; have you read "Ulysses"?
--Family Awareness Day: an event by SAFE, Substance Abuse Free Environment, which facilitates parent-child dialogue regarding substance abuse.
--International Day of the African Child: also called Youth Day of South Africa; commemorates the protests by African students in Soweto, South Africa on June 16, 1976; over 10,000 children marched in protest of the poor quality education they were receiving and were fired upon by soldiers; over 100 were killed; today raises awareness of the rights and needs of African children to quality education.
--Husband Caregiver Day: no info as to the why but what little I could find, today seems to be a day to honor the relationship of a husband caring for an ailing wife; if you know of someone in that role, give them a hand and a break.
--Fresh Veggies Day: a day right up the Sparkers' alley; promotes eating plenty of fresh veggies and the rich source of nutrients and fiber.
--Ladies Initiated in Baseball Day: another one with very little info; appears to be about promotions to bring more women to watch baseball games.
--Turkey Lovers' Day: today is for enjoying any form or version of turkey you like.
--Fudge Day: fudge is basically sugar, milk, and butter with flavoring added; usually chocolate is the choice flavor but there is also peanut butter, Oreo marshmallow, nut, maple and rocky road; the first documentation of fudge is in 1886 and stores in Michigan started selling fudge.
--No Orange Clothes Day: this day is for the Netherlands; orange was the color of the country and of the monarchy but there was a time the magistrates were acting like monarchy and their supporters would wear orange in support of the magistrates; therefore, to squelch any rebellion, in 1784 a law was enacted to prohibit the wearing of orange.
--Wish Fulfillment Day: another weird one with no info; since wish fulfillment can be fun to dream and useful to plan, think about what you'd wish for and what you would need to do; just the usual caveat--be careful what you wish for.
--Trinity Sunday: observed in Christian churches the Sunday after Pentecost, celebrates the Trinity of Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
--World Sea Turtle Day: a day to raise awareness of the hazards that are depleting their numbers, especially the plastics in the oceans and the loss of beaches for laying eggs.
--Sussex Day: observed in Britain, today celebrates the rich heritage and culture of Sussex.