SOFT_VAL67
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narcissists age but their manipulation lives on

Wednesday, June 26, 2019

My last blog was 2 weeks ago, in that blog I shared about my job woes and working for an aging Narcissist.
It got much worse toward the last week I was there. Yesterday was my last day before vacation, that is IF I go back. I am going to take a week to mull it over, but I am pretty sure the family knows to be searching elsewhere. I actually gave them some names and numbers of some other caregivers....just in case.....
On top of everything going on, I have not been taking care of myself.normally people lose weight under stress conditions, I on the other hand, eat junk food all evening after coming home and often stop on the way to pick up take out because I am too drained to even think about healthy meal planning.
I would guess I have gained about 10 lbs since March.
Despite the drama last week, I started back to focus on my health.
I am walking again and enjoying healthier meals.

I was off Monday, and I could very easily have taken off yesterday, because I only ended up working 2.5 hours, it was hardly worth my drive there.
Last week, the little ol narcissist decided it was MY JOB to drive an extra 16 miles BEFORE my shift actually started to get her mail from her old residence, where she covertly, behind her primary caregivers back, had her mail sent back to.
Because, in her words, she had mail she didnt want her daughter to know about.
Even though she cant get there to get it.
She decided I would just run get it for her if she offered me a few extra dollars....I tried to be nice and ease out of it with excuses, but finally my inner voice just blurted out NO!!!!
That is not my job.
Before reading on, keep in mind, that this isnt my first rodeo with this type of personality. I do have compassion and empathy for them, when they feel helpless and want to be in their own home. Sometimes it is hard for them to understand why their family makes these decisions for them. She knows in her heart she isnt able to do for herself and while she did apply for some assistance programs to pay for caregivers, they are limited in what they will do.
But it isnt my job to get mail or run to the bank or even drive them places, that is not what I do. If she had wanted someone to do those things she should have looked elsewhere because I made it clear in the beginning what I do and what I dont.

I provide IN HOME care, bathing, meals, housework, medication, company, whatever the patient needs in their home.
She became vocal, shouting at me....because you see a narcissist can always get their way if they can find the right person to manipulate.
But once they get in a position such as old age and they cant drive and people stop answering their calls, etc, they will throw money at the situation.
That was my breaking point.
I contacted the daughter and spilled the whole tea pot.
I dont normally work as a go between, but I did feel the daughter needed to be aware of what she is getting ready to deal with in this case.
Mom is making plans.
Plans she isnt physically capable of making happen.
So, she finds others to do these things for her....such as conning a local preacher to go have her car worked on. He thought he was doing a favor for a sweet little lady from church who was in need.
Little did he know he was being used in her attempt to go home, where is in no condition physically, mentally or financially to stay.
So, that day with the mail argument, one sided, I finally just told her, This is NOT my job, I do not want to hear about the issues between you and your daughter, I will cook, I will help you in the house, but I am not a lawyer, I am not a psychiatrist or social worker.
I felt really good when I left the house that day.
and even better this morning knowing that over the next 13 days I will not be in that stress and inside my head trying to decide what to do.

Even though technically I am on vacation, Honey doesnt start his til Saturday so I am actually going to WORK the next few days, here in my own home and get some much needed ME time.
Starting with treating myself with a pedicure tomorrow.
It has been 2 years!!!!
I saved my last 2 months of pay so I can enjoy a road trip to the Tennessee/Carolina Smoky mountains.
Nothing fancy, no parks or spas or fancy restaurants, just me and Honey and a hotel with a pool, and little roadside finds along the way and a couple days of exploring the north carolina mountains and I cant wait to just be out there in the mountains where the only sound is the creek and the birds!!!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KENDRACARROLL
    Caregiving is tough. Enjoy your vacation.
    483 days ago
  • LIVINGLOVINLIFE
    Oh gosh, have fun. I think a vacation will make you feel so much better. To just get away from all that stress will be a blessing.
    I understand so much of what you say and feel. I see myself in both situations. I am a care provider for my sister and I have a friend that comes in to help me 2-3 day a week because I can not do some things on my own.. I am so frustrated by my own limitations, and my sister's situation. My friend has many problems herself. In fact she started helping me because she needed financial help and after a while it was decided she would just come in and work for me a few days a week. I can see I do take advantage of her. Asking her to run errands and pick things up for me. Of course she always offers but ... I am working to change that. I can do more. It is hard, but I can do it.

    488 days ago
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