Meditation and More

Still around spark friends. This last month has been rough and I have been working through it. Running is more walking. Working with new dog Dewey and doing well there. He won beginning agility in his first showing. I am working with the local 4-H kids in the dog program and 3 more weeks until fair.

Right now I have two grandchildren visiting from Ohio. Plan on meeting up with the other grandchildren today at a small county fair where my daughter lives. Relationship with m daughter is going very well. She is on good medication and seeing her counselor regularly.

July 1 put me into a very bad tail spin. We live right on the Highway and there was a very bad accident. A pickup and a Semi. Myself and our hired men responded to the scene. The pickup was on it's side and the one passenger a man was trapped. I was able to reach in and provide comfort and hold his hand. I just kept talking until the ambulance arrived. I used to be a medic in the Army 30 plus years ago and I have seen some bad things. In the scale of the things I have seen this wasn't the worst. It took over and hour for the firemen to extract him from the vehicle and I found out the next morning he died shortly after. He was a well respected member of our local Mennonite community. The paper put out name in the paper and a few days later a close friend to the mans family called and extended an invitation to the funeral. He said the wife would really benefit from talking to me. On July 4th Dale and I didn't go to the funeral but we did go up to the viewing and found the family at their church and we spoke to the family. All I could do was offer the wife my hand. Her husband never woke up or even opened his eyes but he did squeeze my hand once. I have been going through a lot of ups and downs and mood swings. I am no longer that Army medic or that correctional officer. I am a farm wife and in that role I just wasn't prepared for the events of that day. I have suffered from memory flash backs and have had a couple of panic attack type episodes. Waves of emotion have just flowed. I had my first good day this last Saturday only to glace out my window and see sheriff vehicles at the crash site and all of a sudden I was temporarily over whelmed once again. I am able to write this now so I am feeling stronger. That's where the meditation has really helped. Getting out of my head and being present. I know things like this take time to heal.

I pray I am now on the healing side of all of this.