BECCALOU09
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General life story

Thursday, September 12, 2019

This is not going to include any photos cause how I was in my last blog entry is still the moderate same, so there is no point in including a photo of progression but it would be amazing if I could go over the usual maintained goal wouldn't it? Look back at my last blog entry which is dated 20th July 2019 titled as Maintaining a better progression to know what has been maintained.

So far, slacking has happened and today is the first day back in action with keeping things going but I have to admit, a Abs Simulator does miracles after a workout! Ever since I started to use one a few months ago and had myself get used to it, it has done wonders for performance in the ABA BAB workout. It has even helped to maintain the flat stomach and waist so, I am not at all complaining... It is not there to show how lazy I am, the simulator is mainly only for keeping things going with how well things are coming along.

Before 2010, it felt like I would never do anything physical other than light stuff; picking up pens, pencils, carrier bags, or just going shopping in one food shop with my parents. Literally, due to my heart disease and asthma, I was 100% powerless and in my eyes these days I look back and think how pathetic I was. Nothing could make me move fast, act fast on initiative or anything, it frustrated me to no end. So once my asthma went at age 13 and the fifteenth hole in my heart cleared up at age 18, I wanted to do something about everything I had missed out on doing whereas my friends and other people back in school years had been benefiting from PE and most of everything they had been doing. All I ever had done was sit around like a coach potato, watching them and being the one crying or getting mad at myself.

Feeling helpless all those years has angered me greatly to no end. Is it bad enough I had to put up with lies from one parent about my other parent, then having to go through abuse by one of them that I had to live with the physical problems of my own too? Everything was happening all at once in my health back in those years, from 1992 (year I was born) all the way into 2010. Not good, not good at all... Many people in the world has suffered from abuse in more cases than one, so these days I feel sorry for them all and do what I can to donate to the charities relating with child abuse and such illnesses such as heart failure, etc relating around diseases.

A disease had killed the one and only person in my whole life who had been there for me every minute of every day, that person being my grandfather and the disease was artery disease, so... Indeed, there is a lot I despise about diseases but also hospitals too.

Going back to today, well, let's just say you all may see this as odd but the sooner work comes back to my life, the better. However, misunderstandings in a genuine sense of my persons has got to end. Being a support worker does not cut it in my favour, or being a carer for anybody for that matter, so Admin might be my escape. Work for myself and only for me, make me need people, not the other way around. Make them work to my own terms and conditions; availability so to speak, whatever suits me must be put into account. I am done with my feelings being messed with.

happy Thursday! emoticon
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