Trying to learn to be kinder to myself....still.
Saturday, September 14, 2019
Just when I think I have something down, figured out, I realize how not figured out I have it. I am always a work in progress, learning daily, messing up frequently, dusting myself off quite often. And that is ok. I am learning...that it is OK.
The more important thing I think (at least at this time, I could learn better later!), is that I always keep trying my best.
If I choose to say eat something "off" plan on my diet, the world won't end. I do not have to hate myself. I should do my best though and log it and try to keep it in my calorie range at least (despite the food being on my "not now" list of foods) as opposed to going on an all out binge session for the rest of the day.
I have been working on being sugar free and bread free and do very well with that 99% of the time. The issue comes when I take a break and then decide to just be all or nothing. During the "Nothing" time I really don't gain any ground. When I should. I should and could and will now try to be more "mostly" during those times instead of "nothing".
I don't have to live an all or nothing life. I can live a "doing my very best for the current situation I am in" life.
I also am learning that it is OK to have days, yes more than one a week, where I don't accomplish tons. I can have a few days of more rest than usual. I can relax. I can enjoy my life.
I feel often like I should be getting so much done and accomplishing so much. And where does this pressure even come from? Why can I not just spend a day say, knitting and reading and only doing the bare minumum like taking out the trash and maybe a few loads of laundry. Is it not ok to have a day like that? I mean why not? Who is it hurting? Is it hurting ANYONE?!
Why do I pressure myself so much? Is anyone else putting pressure on me right now? No. So why this internal pressure cooker that is making me feel so upset?
It needs to stop. I need to stop. I need to breathe and relax and maybe have some pasta at lunch and log it and not feel guilty because I had pasta! Ok, I'm done. I'm ok. I can be calm and just breathe.