Another Year

Every year I think it will get easier but it doesn't. 8 years ago my Birth Mother committed suicide. I handle the holidays and her birthday and mothers Day without losing my mind or my emotions but when it comes to her anniversary of her leaving us forever I feel like I crash into a million pieces. I can remember everything, where I was, how it felt and it is like it happens new all over again. I have done therapy, suicide loss survivor group therapy and a couple courses so that I can help and I can recognize when someone needs some help. There was no anger this year just sobbing. I think that is progress but it still hurts so much. Suicide is heartbreaking and there are no answers. I went I to hibernation and I didn't even mean to. My husband was sailing and gone for 2 weeks and then I got sick. Life happens at mach 10 and eventually I will be able to try and steer myself through it. There was eating, bad choices, lack of exercise and drive to do it all. I am bringing myself back because I want to be healthy and I want to be strong and I know I deserve it. My Mother's name was Dianna. She would have been 73 yrs old this year.