I think the plan today is to go to the gym and do a full body weight routine. I get so angry. For many reasons. #1 I let myself get the way I am today. #2 I see the chicky-poo tight body girls in the gym and know that used to be me and I want that to be me again because that is what my mind sees me as but pictures do not match. # 3 I know I have to work so much harder to get to where I want to be and see not as much progress as I want to see despite how hard I work. And yes I know it doesn't happen over night and it takes time and I didn't put the weight on in a day and it wont take a day to take it off. I am sorry I am snippy, I have been mad at myself that I have to go so far because I let it get so far. #4 My husband wants to go do this and mentioned it first thing out of his mouth so that started my day off that I have to do this because he wants to and he will resent me if I don't.
Now let me pull myself out of my pitty party and think about why I do want to go do this, no matter how angry I feel inside.
#1 Because it keeps me on track
#2 Because I haven't done weights in the times I had promised myself
#3 Because I know every little bit helps
#4 Because it will make me stronger
#5 Because it will define my muscles
#6 Because it is the right thing to do for myself
#7 Because I want to get it done and feel like I did it and now I can move forward with my day
#8 Because I know I am putting forth an effort
#9 Because I refigured my macros and want to see how keeping with exercise works with that
#10 Because I have a goal and I am bound and determined to meet that goal.
Ok, did 10 things for the positive. Trying to out weigh the negative feelings I am having. I think Sunday will be a day off working out. And I am curious about eating for these new macros I set up last night. I will have half a whopper chaffle this afternoon during my eating window. Then start up new on Sunday.
I think we will go to the gym about 1 or 2. That way it is less busy. Hopefully less likely to see those chicky poo girls who have no idea how hard life will eventually be to their body. I want my old body back. I am trying to get some body back that is similar to it. I know it will never be the same. But I want to see a body that matches what my mind says I am. It doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be flawless. It just has to match me.
**THANKS to everyone who gave me hugs. No one could ever know how much I needed that right now. And it isn't because of this stuff in this blog. Other circumstances have been going on that I have been trying to be strong and smart about. But everyone has their limits.
I appreciate all of you that support me. Thank you. And I hope to be just as good to you.