Wednesday, October 30, 2019
176.6 lbs today. I lowered my insulin again today because my blood sugar was in the 50's yesterday WITHOUT warning signs. So I need to get that adjusted. I am weaning myself off of that! I guess I had to make that click in my mind that I am not just lowering it, I am weaning myself off. And I am almost at half of what I was taking daily. I need to think about cutting another medication in half so I don't get in trouble there too. Just need to drop my Dr. a note so he can be aware WHEN I do it. It was his idea, and told me to just let him know.
I am curious about fasts since the intermittent fasting has worked so well for me. So I have been researching fasts. How they can help you and why. Fascinating stuff. I don't ever think I could go too long on a fast. But trying a 3 day one might be in the cards for me just to see what happens. That is what this journey is all about...trial and error. See what works and what doesn't and what helps and what doesn't. I have been pretty shocked at the success of some of the things I have been taught don't make sense. Sometimes out side the box and against the norm is the right thing to do.
I have had a ton on my mind for about 6 months now. I have several situations that have a major priority in my life now. Situations I thought were long gone and never to be in my life again. Swallowing the pain and sadness that came with the emptiness. I am still adjusting to these situations. Still trying to figure out things. I am taking extra time with one situation because it involves a lifetime. One day I will share. Thought about it today but I don't know. Figuring things out with the lifetime one has been hard. Not really bad, just scary and hard. These situations involve specific people. People I thought I would never hear from again and hadn't for 24+ years. People who I always wanted, always needed. But they disappeared and it effected my life in a major way. I had accepted the fact both people in these situations quite possibly may be dead. One situation effected my oldest son's life in a major way. And the situation with the lifetime person- was a massive manipulation and misunderstanding that was done to both of us and not either of our faults. It has been difficult, good, natural, scary, easy, right.....But so scary and difficult because I am scared, and that makes me cry and be emotional because of all I went through. I'm figuring out how to deal with everything now. How they fit in my life and if I fit in theirs which I want so badly. My heart has always been 100% invested in these people. And always will be till the day I die. And they know that. I am a VERY guarded person because of life I have learned to protect myself. So this is scary for me to let them in again. I need to share to get it out. But don't feel like now is the time to give details. I am concerned about being judged on here. I share a little at a time. LOL wow if I truly think about it I have big stresses and quite a few. I just deal with stuff. I try to not feel. Stuff with these new situations forces me to feel. All such a miracle blessing that makes me incredibly happy and whole. But absolutely emotional.
OH! I went through the clothes I had. I got rid of TWO contractor bags full of clothes! Almost all my clothes! I will post a pic of the difference in my size. I kept some jeans I am hoping I can still wear for a few more months. I kept some shirts that are too big, not sure why I think I was worried I wouldn't have anything to wear! I have very little to wear now. I kept all my hoodie sweat shirts to lounge around in on weekends and wear to the gym. They are HUGE on me. But comfy. It was a crazy purge.
I couldn't believe I wore those shorts in July this year. I can fit my body in one leg. I look half the size! WOW Ok, that made me see some change. Some positive change.
Head down nose to grindstone. Focus Focus Focus. This is about me. Fixing me. Helping me. Taking care of me. And When I am healed I can give more of me to others I want to take care of. But I must put me first. I deserve it.