Monday, November 04, 2019
I'm frustrated greatly. Between Wednesday and Thursday last week, my weight spiked 5 pounds. I thought it was water weight, but it hasn't disappeared. I need to get my tail back on track. I re-realized today that one of my issues is the lack of a fitness role model and lack of someone who is excited to see me change. I think I'm going to pick Henry Simmons as my role model. The second one is debatable, as it would be optimal to be someone I know in real life. I'm thinking either Ismael, my boxing coach, or Rick, a guy who works at the gym.
I keep eating junk. I cannot seem to get it down. I do not know what the heck is my issue aside from that, in the moment, a donut, ice cream, crackers, peanut butter, whatever seems more important than how it feels to feel and look lean. That's why I feel like I need the role model (visual reminder) and supporter. Henry Simmons particularly appeals to me because he's a buff, confident, and kind man. He understands the value of silence and caring for others.
I'm really frustrated with myself. I want to get a good streak of eating right and/or consistently losing weight. With the weight spike, my mind has started thinking darkly again, and I cannot allow that. I need some successes in my life. Maybe I should choose something stupidly easy, like "eat a vegetable every day for a week straight."
In that frustration, I'm seeing more of my motivation and actions come out of anger. That is where I started and I never wanted to be there again. Sure, it's a source that gets things done, but it really doesn't leave me in a good spot long term. I need to get a handle on it NOW. With the holidays and winter coming, I'm going to hit a real rough period soon. I cannot express how frustrated I am. I keep thinking the answer is "take a few days off from paying attention to food", but last time I did that I managed to gain at least ten pounds in a month.
I also keep drifting back to my old meal plan but that is obviously not working since I can't stick with it. More discussion to follow as I figure things out.