CANDOK1260
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jokes, october goals review and November goals

Wednesday, November 06, 2019

My October goals were:
.1. drink 6 glasses of water everyday- still working on this
2. keep up my exercise streak now on day 881 days
3. -try to eat 3 different freggie a day-and at least one being a veggie - working on this
4 lose weight I now weight 166.8 I lost about 3 pounds
5. .no eating in the middle of the night- doing great on this
6. really take this healthy journey seriously- starting to do this
7. no eating in bed- terrible at this
8. connect with my teams- did this
My November goals are :
1. drink 6 glasses of water everyday
2. keep up my exercise streak now on day 881 days
3. -try to eat 3 different freggie a day-and at least one being a veggie -
4 lose weight I now weight 166.8
5. .no eating in the middle of the night-
6. really take this healthy journey seriously
7. no eating in bed
8. connect with my teams
jokes:
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
—Jerry Seinfeld

Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they'd say, "Thank you." That graduated into "Have a nice day." That's now escalated into "You take care of yourself, now." The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, "Don't put off that mammogram."
—Rita Rudner

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
—Roseanne Barr

You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.
—Mitch Hedburg

Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?
—Jon Stewart

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"

The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!"

The patrolman said, "May I see your license?"

The woman turned to her husband once again and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!"

The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman then said, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."

The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "He said he thinks he knows you!".

'Good bye, Mother
I was walking through the supermarket to pick up a few things when I noticed an old lady following me around. Thinking nothing of it, I ignored her and continued on. Finally I went to the checkout line, but she got in front of me.

"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."

"I'm very sorry," I said to her, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother? It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," I said. An odd request, but no harm would come of it. As the old woman was leaving, I called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"

As I stepped up to the checkout counter, I saw that my total was $127.50.

"How can that be?" I asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.
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