November 12th 2019
Tuesday, November 12, 2019
Today on one of my Social Media accounts someone asked me why I stopped my weight loss journey and I explained to them I did not stop but my Mother had passed away. In which they directed this venomous response about "life goes on" and making comparisons of whom they have lost versus who I have lost.......and keep in mind this person is not my friend but a stranger so she would have no way of knowing who I may or may not of lost. SO I gave her a list of all the deaths I have went thru so she would be well informed. But I have not given up my weight loss goals or journey they are sidetracked at the moment, and it's not like I am not trying to still live. A good friend of mine once told me "Life never stops for a broken heart"
The other night while I was surfing meditations to listen to on YouTube I came across the Michael Jackson song...."You are not alone" and I listened to it and burst into tears for my Momma. I will not apologize for my grief for my Mother and I really don't know when I will feel normal again. I do know through this whole experience with her battle with cancer that it will take as long as it takes. I have never been more depressed or feeling more broken in my life than I have in this past year. When I am asleep is the only time it's not relevant on my mind in some way or another.
It's always different when it's your mother or others who haven't lost their Mother yet have plenty of advice for you. During this whole time since my Mother passed away I gained 4 pounds and YES it could of been so much worse but I am still trying to be mindful of what I put in my body. However today I ate 4 doughnuts before I made myself stop.
In giving myself time and space to heal and move forward I have considered re-exploring some of my hobbies or some of the things that give me some joy to help myself thru this time. I do also see a therapist to help me sort out my feelings. I do also anticipate the upcoming Holidays will be very challenging for me as well because it's the first without her.