DISCOVERING_VAL
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November 12th 2019

Tuesday, November 12, 2019



Today on one of my Social Media accounts someone asked me why I stopped my weight loss journey and I explained to them I did not stop but my Mother had passed away. In which they directed this venomous response about "life goes on" and making comparisons of whom they have lost versus who I have lost.......and keep in mind this person is not my friend but a stranger so she would have no way of knowing who I may or may not of lost. SO I gave her a list of all the deaths I have went thru so she would be well informed. But I have not given up my weight loss goals or journey they are sidetracked at the moment, and it's not like I am not trying to still live. A good friend of mine once told me "Life never stops for a broken heart"

The other night while I was surfing meditations to listen to on YouTube I came across the Michael Jackson song...."You are not alone" and I listened to it and burst into tears for my Momma. I will not apologize for my grief for my Mother and I really don't know when I will feel normal again. I do know through this whole experience with her battle with cancer that it will take as long as it takes. I have never been more depressed or feeling more broken in my life than I have in this past year. When I am asleep is the only time it's not relevant on my mind in some way or another.

It's always different when it's your mother or others who haven't lost their Mother yet have plenty of advice for you. During this whole time since my Mother passed away I gained 4 pounds and YES it could of been so much worse but I am still trying to be mindful of what I put in my body. However today I ate 4 doughnuts before I made myself stop.

In giving myself time and space to heal and move forward I have considered re-exploring some of my hobbies or some of the things that give me some joy to help myself thru this time. I do also see a therapist to help me sort out my feelings. I do also anticipate the upcoming Holidays will be very challenging for me as well because it's the first without her.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BRENNAN_ARMACOS
    When I was younger, I made the mistake of criticizing someone who was grieving her mother's loss. I thought she was doing it wrong. But it really ruined our friendship beyond repair. Everyone is different, and you take however long you need to take to deal with it. And what I've found is that even when you think you're better, you remourn your losses at other losses or events in your life.

    I think it's a very good idea for you to work on hobbies and do things that make you happy. They will be soothing to you! Great idea! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    29 days ago
  • _SHERRY_
    I'm sorry someone was so awful to you! There is NOTHING like losing your mother. You feel and do whatever comes naturally for you!
    30 days ago
  • SHMOOKITTY
    I can't believe that lady would be so rude and condescending! Don't think about her again. She doesn't know you.

    Sending you lots of hugs and prayers. I'm glad you have a therapist to help you through. emoticon
    31 days ago
  • TODAYANNIEWILL
    I bawled my eyes out over my mum just a coupla weeks ago - it doesn't happen often - just occasionally something sets me off - there is no set time for grieving - everyone's different - I grieved for a few months after mum died, then went a year before I started grieving again - for the mum that she really was, rather than the mum she was at the end. She died 7.5 years ago.

    If you only put on 4 pounds you're doing well - that could be just water weight. I put on 7 pounds then when I'd realised I'd done that I panicked and put on another 7 pounds. It's not the end of the world.

    emoticon
    31 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    emoticon emoticon I'm so glad you got to share so many years with your mother. My mother died from a heart attack on New Year's Eve 1966, when I was 17. I came home from a dance and found her dead on her bed. My father said she'd been having one of her "spells" but he'd gone on to his room. She had diabetes and was overweight (157#) and she was a smoker.
    My brother was 14. I was a Senior in high school and when we went back to school the day after the funeral, not one kid at school had any sympathy for me. In fact, one girl said "OMG, what the hell did you expect since she was FIFTY EIGHT years old?" Yes, that was ancient to a 17 yo.
    She was my father's 2nd wife as his first wife died from diabetes at age 42. Then he went on to get married again when he was 70 to a woman age 80. WOW, my mother wouldn't have believed how my father went off to dances and was out every week-end as he never went anywhere but to a picnic or fair with her. But as soon as he was a widower, there were old women after him like you wouldn't believe, since he had a new car and they had money to buy gas, so they were on the road. He died when I was 25 and his "wife" had him buried next to her and her first husband, which really was upsetting to us. Her grave mentions nothing about my father but has her with a double headstone with her first husband that she was married to for 55 yrs. But she got the choice to bury our father there since they were married.
    I know it was hard to watch your mother suffer with cancer, but I'm glad you got to talk things out with her. I didn't expect my mother was going to have a heart attack and be gone like she did, so we had never talked about a lot of things since "I was a KID." She had 3 older kids from her first marriage, since her husband had been murdered, so she came to work for my father as a housekeeper and they got married as he didn't want to pay her and she needed a place to stay. I always just thought I was lucky to have ever gotten to live.
    emoticon
    31 days ago
  • HEARTMEND
    I'm sorry for your loss! Grieve in whatever way honors your heart and your Momma's memory. emoticon
    31 days ago
  • DAIZYSTARLITE
    emoticon
    31 days ago
  • ZRIE014
    thanks
    31 days ago
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