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Being Realistic About My Disability

Saturday, November 23, 2019

I have a serious disability. For a long time now, my symptoms have been remarkably absent. I started to think that I was a normal person, and could do normal things. I started making plans to move out, and date other women (I'm lesbian). But I am remembering more and more how the prognosis for my illness is bleak. Many people with this illness cannot hold down jobs, or live independently.

I got sick the summer before my senior year of college. Years later, I found out that extreme stress can trigger the onset of this illness for those with family histories of the illness. I definitely endured extreme stress living with awful roommates in college, and I truly believe that that triggered my illness. Ever since I got sick, I have been having problems processing information, which might explain why I had to drop out of x-ray school.

I am starting to think that maybe I should continue living with my parents until they die, and then live with my best friend after that (if she will still have me). My best friend has a bad temper, and I don't want to deal with that unless I have to. I don't make enough to afford my own place, even though I am a federal employee (rent in Los Angeles is outrageous). Sometimes I fight with my dad, but at the end of the day, we know that we are family, and our love is unconditional. I don't feel that way toward my best friend at all.

I am also thinking of not dating as well for now, because who would want to date someone with such a serious disability like me? I definitely don't want children, because I don't know if I'll be able to take care of even just myself in the future.

I know this all sounds so negative, but I think it's important to be realistic in life. But at the same time, I don't want to give up on my dream of living alone in my own home, and dating. I guess those things are not for me at this time; that's all.

That said, I contacted HR this past Monday, and they said that since I got promoted in the middle of the week, my raise will be reflected in my next paycheck, which makes sense. I'm just glad that they didn't make a mistake! :)

I signed up for Disney +, and it's been great so far. :) I watched the first episode of "The Suite Life Of Zack And Cody" last weekend, and it was so much fun!! I might watch some more stuff this weekend.

I know this sounds crazy, but my Christmas Fund this year is $1,264.38 (I'm single, and don't have any children). This is how much my last paycheck was (not reflecting my raise), plus my cash rewards this year from one of my credit cards. I plan to spend most of it on my parents, because they don't charge me for groceries, utilities, or car expenses (gas, car insurance, car maintenance, or car registration). I do pay them $500 each month for rent, though (we live in an apartment). I'm going to start my Christmas shopping on Thanksgiving (I have surgery on Black Friday). Excited!!! I finally made my annual Christmas budget excel spreadsheet. :) I can't believe Thanksgiving and Black Friday are next week!!! I'm taking the first week of December off to recover from my surgery.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I think you are doing very well! Congratulations again on that promotion. Your parents have a wonderful, kind, considerate and SUCCESSFUL daughter. I find it hard to believe that someone is your "best" friend and is not aware that the stress her inappropriate anger generates can have a damaging effect on you? Is she a "best" friend or just a friend? I wonder there. I do understand that you have good times together, and that is a blessing in itself. I think all the future projection stuff--house and dating--is STRESSFUL too! Who needs that? Not you. I think shelving it for a little while and relaxing and just enjoying life for the time being is FINE. Everyone needs some space and a breather. Don't worry right now. Just have fun!
    55 days ago
    I'm glad your disability does not present with serious symptoms right now. Definitely reason to keep managing your stress levels.
    Wishing you a happy Thanksgiving!
    emoticon emoticon
    58 days ago
    I'm sure you'll enjoy shopping! Hope your surgery and recovery go well. My daughter still lives at home - she's 28 and has some disabilities. She's working now, but not making much money. She says no one will want to date her because of her problems, but you never know.

    I do think it's wise not to move in with a friend who has a bad temper right now, as that would only cause you more stress and possibly worsen your condition. I wish you all the best
    61 days ago
    Well I think you are thinking correctly about your disability, I'm disabled and I have bitten off more than I can chew before and it has backfired. Still it's no reason not to find someone who wants to be with you when the time comes for it!
    61 days ago
    HUGS and prayers. Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving, and all the best w/your surgery.

    As for the disability, sounds like your plan right now is to live w/your parents and that's not a bad plan for now. YOu just don't know what the future holds, but you're planning and saving.

    61 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/24/2019 9:51:05 AM
    No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent.

    John Donne
    61 days ago
  • LINDA!
    I am sorry that you have a disability. You are young so it is very unfortunate. Stay with your parents for now. You will know exactly what to do in time. I am sending prayers for an easy surgery.
    62 days ago
    I can’t believe Thanksgiving is this week coming up either!!
    62 days ago
    Plans and goals good sparking.
    62 days ago
    emoticon best wishes for a speedy recovery from your surgery
    62 days ago
    Sounds like you are going through a lot right now. Prayers are offered for discernment in your situation. God bless.
    62 days ago
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