ONEVOICE128
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Being Realistic About My Disability

Saturday, November 23, 2019

I have a serious disability. For a long time now, my symptoms have been remarkably absent. I started to think that I was a normal person, and could do normal things. I started making plans to move out, and date other women (I'm lesbian). But I am remembering more and more how the prognosis for my illness is bleak. Many people with this illness cannot hold down jobs, or live independently.

I got sick the summer before my senior year of college. Years later, I found out that extreme stress can trigger the onset of this illness for those with family histories of the illness. I definitely endured extreme stress living with awful roommates in college, and I truly believe that that triggered my illness. Ever since I got sick, I have been having problems processing information, which might explain why I had to drop out of x-ray school.

I am starting to think that maybe I should continue living with my parents until they die, and then live with my best friend after that (if she will still have me). My best friend has a bad temper, and I don't want to deal with that unless I have to. I don't make enough to afford my own place, even though I am a federal employee (rent in Los Angeles is outrageous). Sometimes I fight with my dad, but at the end of the day, we know that we are family, and our love is unconditional. I don't feel that way toward my best friend at all.

I am also thinking of not dating as well for now, because who would want to date someone with such a serious disability like me? I definitely don't want children, because I don't know if I'll be able to take care of even just myself in the future.

I know this all sounds so negative, but I think it's important to be realistic in life. But at the same time, I don't want to give up on my dream of living alone in my own home, and dating. I guess those things are not for me at this time; that's all.

That said, I contacted HR this past Monday, and they said that since I got promoted in the middle of the week, my raise will be reflected in my next paycheck, which makes sense. I'm just glad that they didn't make a mistake! :)

I signed up for Disney +, and it's been great so far. :) I watched the first episode of "The Suite Life Of Zack And Cody" last weekend, and it was so much fun!! I might watch some more stuff this weekend.

I know this sounds crazy, but my Christmas Fund this year is $1,264.38 (I'm single, and don't have any children). This is how much my last paycheck was (not reflecting my raise), plus my cash rewards this year from one of my credit cards. I plan to spend most of it on my parents, because they don't charge me for groceries, utilities, or car expenses (gas, car insurance, car maintenance, or car registration). I do pay them $500 each month for rent, though (we live in an apartment). I'm going to start my Christmas shopping on Thanksgiving (I have surgery on Black Friday). Excited!!! I finally made my annual Christmas budget excel spreadsheet. :) I can't believe Thanksgiving and Black Friday are next week!!! I'm taking the first week of December off to recover from my surgery.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SUNNYCALIGIRL
    I think you are doing very well! Congratulations again on that promotion. Your parents have a wonderful, kind, considerate and SUCCESSFUL daughter. I find it hard to believe that someone is your "best" friend and is not aware that the stress her inappropriate anger generates can have a damaging effect on you? Is she a "best" friend or just a friend? I wonder there. I do understand that you have good times together, and that is a blessing in itself. I think all the future projection stuff--house and dating--is STRESSFUL too! Who needs that? Not you. I think shelving it for a little while and relaxing and just enjoying life for the time being is FINE. Everyone needs some space and a breather. Don't worry right now. Just have fun!
    55 days ago
  • KENDRACARROLL
    I'm glad your disability does not present with serious symptoms right now. Definitely reason to keep managing your stress levels.
    Wishing you a happy Thanksgiving!
    emoticon emoticon
    58 days ago
  • MILLER-S
    I'm sure you'll enjoy shopping! Hope your surgery and recovery go well. My daughter still lives at home - she's 28 and has some disabilities. She's working now, but not making much money. She says no one will want to date her because of her problems, but you never know.

    I do think it's wise not to move in with a friend who has a bad temper right now, as that would only cause you more stress and possibly worsen your condition. I wish you all the best
    emoticon
    61 days ago
  • BIRBKITTEN1234
    Well I think you are thinking correctly about your disability, I'm disabled and I have bitten off more than I can chew before and it has backfired. Still it's no reason not to find someone who wants to be with you when the time comes for it!
    61 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    HUGS and prayers. Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving, and all the best w/your surgery.

    As for the disability, sounds like your plan right now is to live w/your parents and that's not a bad plan for now. YOu just don't know what the future holds, but you're planning and saving.

    HUGS
    61 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/24/2019 9:51:05 AM
  • AZMOMXTWO
    No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent.

    John Donne
    61 days ago
  • LINDA!
    I am sorry that you have a disability. You are young so it is very unfortunate. Stay with your parents for now. You will know exactly what to do in time. I am sending prayers for an easy surgery.
    62 days ago
  • S_MHANCOCK
    I can’t believe Thanksgiving is this week coming up either!!
    62 days ago
  • CLOUDWALKING
    Plans and goals good sparking.
    62 days ago
  • JRDUPREE
    emoticon best wishes for a speedy recovery from your surgery
    62 days ago
  • XREPHA
    Sounds like you are going through a lot right now. Prayers are offered for discernment in your situation. God bless.
    62 days ago
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