Being Realistic About My Disability
Saturday, November 23, 2019
I have a serious disability. For a long time now, my symptoms have been remarkably absent. I started to think that I was a normal person, and could do normal things. I started making plans to move out, and date other women (I'm lesbian). But I am remembering more and more how the prognosis for my illness is bleak. Many people with this illness cannot hold down jobs, or live independently.
I got sick the summer before my senior year of college. Years later, I found out that extreme stress can trigger the onset of this illness for those with family histories of the illness. I definitely endured extreme stress living with awful roommates in college, and I truly believe that that triggered my illness. Ever since I got sick, I have been having problems processing information, which might explain why I had to drop out of x-ray school.
I am starting to think that maybe I should continue living with my parents until they die, and then live with my best friend after that (if she will still have me). My best friend has a bad temper, and I don't want to deal with that unless I have to. I don't make enough to afford my own place, even though I am a federal employee (rent in Los Angeles is outrageous). Sometimes I fight with my dad, but at the end of the day, we know that we are family, and our love is unconditional. I don't feel that way toward my best friend at all.
I am also thinking of not dating as well for now, because who would want to date someone with such a serious disability like me? I definitely don't want children, because I don't know if I'll be able to take care of even just myself in the future.
I know this all sounds so negative, but I think it's important to be realistic in life. But at the same time, I don't want to give up on my dream of living alone in my own home, and dating. I guess those things are not for me at this time; that's all.
That said, I contacted HR this past Monday, and they said that since I got promoted in the middle of the week, my raise will be reflected in my next paycheck, which makes sense. I'm just glad that they didn't make a mistake! :)
I signed up for Disney +, and it's been great so far. :) I watched the first episode of "The Suite Life Of Zack And Cody" last weekend, and it was so much fun!! I might watch some more stuff this weekend.
I know this sounds crazy, but my Christmas Fund this year is $1,264.38 (I'm single, and don't have any children). This is how much my last paycheck was (not reflecting my raise), plus my cash rewards this year from one of my credit cards. I plan to spend most of it on my parents, because they don't charge me for groceries, utilities, or car expenses (gas, car insurance, car maintenance, or car registration). I do pay them $500 each month for rent, though (we live in an apartment). I'm going to start my Christmas shopping on Thanksgiving (I have surgery on Black Friday). Excited!!! I finally made my annual Christmas budget excel spreadsheet. :) I can't believe Thanksgiving and Black Friday are next week!!! I'm taking the first week of December off to recover from my surgery.