Room to Grow

When I reflect on 2019 everything that could go wrong did go wrong from health issues to terminal cancer for my Mother. To my own health issues and of course, we must throw in the typhoon of financial problems as well. It was a year that tested every scrap ounce of me in so many ways. Each time I thought I could not handle any more bad news…. More bad news would follow, and I would have to spend time to accept so many things in my life and around me. The progression of losing my Mother this year and accepting that she was going to die no matter what I did, made the biggest impact on my life.

Before she died, I found out I have lung nodules that the Pulmonologist said are currently stable, but I have to have a CT scan every 6 months to keep track of them. Of course, he also tells me this could turn into cancer. I came home from that appointment and cried and went to bed in shock. I just could not wrap my mind around why all these awful things were happening to me and what I had ever done to deserve all this bad news and pain that I was currently going thru. Shortly after my Mom passed away and no life insurance, no burial insurance put things in a whole different situation for the whole family. But we survived. I have now put behind me my 1st Thanksgiving, Christmas without her and it was brutal for me.

Now I must put my life back together in what ways that I can and move forward with what I need to do for myself and the memories I will always carry with me of both my parents. My 1st step is I am finally back working even though it’s only part time for right now…..that is #1 step in a positive direction. Step 2 is my personal goal for myself daily which several weeks ago amounted to either ride my bike 1 mile each day or walk 1 mile each day. Now I am looking to boost that to both each day for my start. I will later get back into weightlifting and perhaps even going back to the gym at some point. But 2020 my focus and goal is to have 100 pounds lost behind me and move on from there.