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Right down memory lane...

Wednesday, January 08, 2020

Reading through my old blogs is weird.

Like so many of us, I've been up and down and now I'm restarting. New year/new me and all that. Only, as I run through my SparkPage and revisit my old teams and friends, I remember that I know the way. I've been here before, and this is not a new me, but the old one. The years in between were just a blip.


Not just a blip, either. A lot of things have happened, with hormones and carrying twins as a surrogate and a new house and college classes.

Re-dedication is an important time to examine my patterns and history and how I got here so I can get rid of the self-destructive things and keep the good. I can now see that somewhere in my brain, I equate being a good mom and partner with being there all the time. My family doesn't ask me for that, and it winds up harming them more than helping. My daughter (15) would be well served by putting together dinners and helping with the house more. I was leaner and more active when my partner and I got together, and that is the version of me he deserves. I had such high hopes about adopting his more active lifestyle and healthy eating choices, and instead I dragged him down to mine.

The last time I was taking good care of my health was just after my divorce, when I had all sorts of solo time, and it is proving difficult to carve out the time for myself these days. I'm older now, and the time is shorter and courses harder to change.

I used to think I could train up to a half marathon. I'm going to roll that over in my head for a few days and see what happens. I hope this marks a moment of swerve down a different path.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LYNCHD05
    We hear so much about self care nowadays. Yes it is important for us to look back and reassess what we are doing with our lives. Taking better care of you will then reflect on taking batter care of your family.
    381 days ago
  • BEDA65
    I agree with CREAKYCAT, sounds like you are in a re-assessment phase. That's a good thing. You've had a lot of things going on and need to return to taking care of you and being a little selfish. Don't beat yourself up. It's one day at a time. And each day is a new day.
    Good Luck in your journey.
    382 days ago
    Sounds like some important insights there. You illustrate why it's so important to look back and rediscover what *really* matters, in order to set (and recommit to) goals and move forward with a purpose.
    382 days ago
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