"I want to be able to wrap my arms around you again"
Monday, January 13, 2020
I haven't been sharing many of my private moments lately, but I want to share one that hit me particularly hard. Due to my memory lately, I wanted to write it down before I forget.
I visited my (new-again) girlfriend about two weekends ago (New Year's weekend). I was disappointed by how much I had gained, but one of the things she said to me was "I want to be able to wrap my arms all the way around you again." It was meant in a motivational way, because I was talking about goals and getting back on track.
I want to be proud of who I am coming. I remember how I was when I was super on track (though I also remember how ignorant I was about everything else around me). Her comment though... it stung because it was the first time someone else, particularly someone close and important to me, had commented. I had been deluding myself that "maybe it's just in my head", but her comment showed that people can actually see a change and that there was a measurable change as well. I had also noticed that I wasn't as comfortable with her as I was previously because I was ashamed of my body. I want to be proud again.
So, I have two new Whys. I want to lose weight so that I can fit in my girlfriend's arms, because I feel loved when she does that. I want to become more fit and active because it helps me show up for others in a more energetic and confident way, which in turn makes me feel better about myself, which makes me feel happy.