Thursday, January 30, 2020
Truth be told, stuck at home with a sick child, my mind started to fantasize about me alone with 2 beautiful boxes of Girl Scout cookies-one Somoa (are they still called that?) the other Thin Mint. Thank goodness I don't have any in the house, but in that moment I found it tragic we had none.
I'm tired and rundown myself. This was supposed to be a workday where I go into the office (rather than work from home) and I was actually looking forward to it. I needed energy and a happiness boost and in my impulsive mind my friends Somoa or Thin Mint could have provided that in bounty, As I continued this obsessive food fantasy, I finally asked myself...and then what?
Let's say I nibble through a box of each...well maybe a quarter box of each and then 2 hours later another quarter and so forth.I feel euphoric and high from the sugar, chocolate and other delectable ingredients. I feel nurtured and happy...and then what? And then my stomach hurts and then the sugar crash kicks in, and then the malaise from all that processed junk and then guilt and disappointment. All of that aftermath lasts far longer and yet, it is too easy to forget.
I guess that is what impulsivity is all about-acting without thinking much about consequences. It's about the high no matter how long it lasts and no matter how bad the consequences are after the act. If I expect my kids to "stop and think" before acting when technically their impulsive control centers in their brains aren't fully developed until early adulthood, then I certainly need to practice some good old fashioned "stop and think" myself. While it helps I was in a controlled setting where there are no trigger treats, I'm not gonna lie. I had started plotting a take-over of my husbands secret granola stash. Then I stopped and thought about more than the 10 minutes of glory while I devoured it.
Whenever I start obsessing about treats I need to stop and ask myself....then what?