Monday, February 03, 2020
I've finally realized that, even though it's the only thing that has worked, I can't track my food forever. I REALLY thought I was DONE a couple years ago and could maintain things on my own but I cannot win the battle with myself over food. I'm constantly at war with the decisions I have to make. People try and argue the logic of weight loss with me. "Just don't eat the bad stuff." "Just work out more" Thing is, I know all this. It's not like there's a lack of education here. But it doesn't stop me from going back for 2nds and 3rds of food. It doesn't stop me from turning right to go home after work when I should turn left and go to the gym. I just can't win. I've tried SO HARD. So many times and I always fail. I always get burnt out and stop giving a sh!t.
So, I'm going to follow the path to bariatric surgery. I had to wait until the new year and new health insurance coverage before I could go full steam. I had my first surgeon visit a week ago, and I had to digest all the information they provided me, but I think I'm ready to move forward. My mother and my aunt have both had the surgery and have done very well. I have a few other friends that have done it and been successful. I really feel like I need this tool to be finally, permanently successful.
It's a little scary to be sure, I'm not afraid so much of the surgery itself but the after effects and basically relearning how to eat. I scarf my food down usually and so I've been trying to consciously been trying to take smaller bites and slow down. It's a work in progress.
I'm a work in progress.